Party Animals
by PezMaster
Summary: (FULLY REVISED!) The Hallowe'en ball is coming and James is having girlfriend trouble, Remus has a date with a full moon, and Sirius becomes busy with open jars of peanut butter, spiking the punch, and overcoming his feelings for a certain someone.
1. 'Er . . . Your Pink Slip Is Showing . . ...

**_NEWLY REVISED!_**

Hello again! So glad you could make it to my very first Marauder story. (*PezMaster is grinning like a manic*) I've got to let you know right now that this is probably going to be my last "humorous story" until I get my pride and joy: 'Harry Potter and the Gem of Grogonous' posted. (Look for it now!) In the mean while, I have complete faith in this Marauders fic. Everyone I gave it to laughed so hard they peed their pants. (Which, I think, is a good thing.) Let's hope you enjoy it as much as they did!   
  
A/N: I do not own anything. But if I did, oh man, would I be loaded . . . Then I'd spend my free time going to fast-food places and laughing at the people and their minimum wage jobs. MUHAHAHAH! (Er . . . never mind . . .)

* * * * * * * * * *

**Party Animals**

_CHAPTER ONE:_

_ 'Er . . . Your pink slip is showing . . .'_

"You know, just when I thought my life couldn't get any worse - - _this thing pops up and bites me on the arse."_

"Stop being so melodramatic, Sirius. It's not all that bad."

"Not that bad? _Not that bad?! This would be the equivalent of slathering yourself in Spam and running nilly-willy through the Forbidden Forest."_

"Funny, I always thought you enjoyed dressing yourself in lunchmeat . . ."

"Go kick off, Moony."

Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry was, as always, brimming with overenthusiastic students gabbing with each other haphazardly about one thing or another. The Great Hall was the centre of the bustle, harbouring a large crowd by the entrance hall next to one of the marble staircases.  The four Marauders; James Potter, Remus Lupin, Sirius Black, and Peter Pettigrew; were around the outskirts of this throng, each one glaring intently at a neon pink announcement sheet which hung proudly on a tall, limestone pillar.

"It's just the Halloween ball, Sirius," said Peter, scratching the back of his head carelessly. "We've all gone to it before."

"Maybe you lot like getting all dolled up for a night of utter pratness," Sirius snapped, "but I _don't."_

"We hardly get _'dolled up', Sirius," Remus commented almost lazily. "Remember that James is the boy who considers his month old, unwashed Quidditch robes as formal attire."_

Instead of serving Remus a snappy comeback, James said absolutely nothing. His eyes were glazed as thickly as an Italian wedding cake, making it look as though he was held in a thick trance.

"_Heeellllllooooo . . . Earth to __Prongsey," Sirius waved a hand centimetres away from his friend's nose. "Remus gave you a verbal slap in the face. Are you just going to stand there and take it?"_

James continued to stare blankly at the neon poster, completely ignoring Sirius. He did, however, allow one word: "Lily . . ."

"Oh God. Now you're _really off your onion," Sirius arched an eyebrow, quite suspicious of his friend's mental state for the time being. "I'm your best mate, __Sirius; not your bloody girlfriend. __Remember?"_

"I don't know, Padfoot," Remus smirked. "You _are much more feminine then the rest—"_

James finally snapped out of his hypnotized state before Remus had a chance to insult Sirius any further. "No. _Lily . . . When Lily sees this poster, she's going to want me to go with her. And, you know me; I'd rather choke myself with a spoon then go to another boring ball."_

"You're so _romantic," Remus commented sarcastically. "Honestly, I don't know why Lily puts up with you."_

"She doesn't," Peter put in, snickering to himself. "Remember that incident with James and that blonde from Ravenclaw?"

James shot Peter an uncharacteristic glare, making him recoil.

"Don't mind the common folk, Jim," said Sirius as he pulled the pink Halloween Ball poster off the pillar. "We'll help you ditch this ball thing."

"What ball?"

Simultaneously, the Marauders all slowly turned around to find the red-haired Lily Evans. With her hands on her hips and an inquisitive look on her face, she glanced down at the neon announcement sheet in Sirius' possession.

"What are you four hiding?" Lily asked.

"Lil," Sirius let out an extremely fake chortle while trying to look as innocent as possible. "What makes you think _we're hiding something?"_

"Well, that's fine with me if you want to play innocent," Lily replied, slowing making a grab for the pink sheet in Sirius' hands. "I guess you won't mind me seeing what _that is--"_

Sirius, suddenly realising what he was holding, quickly shoved the evidence into Remus' arms. Remus handed the poster to Peter, who gave it to James. James, not knowing what on earth to do with the bright pink sign, absentmindedly stuffed it down his pants.

"Er . . . it's nothing," A sheepish grin spread across James' face. "Absolutely nothing at all." 

"Then why did you just put it down your trousers?" pressed Lily, crossing her arms impatiently.

"He . . . erm, _really likes the feel of cardboard?" suggested Sirius._

A wholesomely disgusted look crossed over Lily's face. "Fine then," she said. "I'll just forget the whole thing before you all drive me starkers."

"I recommend it," said Remus.

Lily rolled her eyes with complete frustration, as she always did when dealing with the four boys. She then casually walked up to James, grabbed his nose, and pulled him down to her height. "You owe me an explanation later," she commented darkly.

"Erm . . .'k," said James, completely wide-eyed.

When Lily had finally disappeared into the Entrance Hall and out of ear-shot, Sirius started to shake his head in complete revulsion.

"Well," he said, "now we all know who wears the trousers in _that relationship."_

James raised an eyebrow. "Excuse me?"

"Sorry Jimmy-boy, I just call 'em as I see 'em," Sirius shrugged half-heartily. "And, right now, your girlfriend is starting to resemble a supreme dictator."

"That's _not true." James looked quite taken aback._

"Complete and utter apologies, my dear Prongs," Sirius continued to remark, "but she's queen of Mister Quidditch."

"Princess of Prongs," Peter put in.

"Empress of Jamesey Land," Remus added, smiling slyly.

Sirius couldn't contain himself: "Ruler of your a--"

"That's _enough!" James snapped, interrupting Sirius' rude comment. "I've got the idea." He started rubbing his temples and pace back and forth across the floor, as he always did when deep under pressure. "But, what do you expect me to do? Hide every time she walks by?"_

"No, that's what _Peter would do," Sirius smirked, causally rubbing the back of his head._

"Just tell Lily that you don't want to go to the Halloween ball," suggested Peter, who pasted a glare in Sirius' direction.  

"Or, just don't tell her at all," commented Remus, who bent down to sort through his pack for something.

"What do you mean?" asked James.

Remus looked up from his bag. "Don't tell Lily about the ball. What _she doesn't know can't hurt __you."_

Sirius smiled, clearly impressed. "For once I think Moony's got the right deviously good idea. Hell must be freezing over as we speak . . ."

James snorted thickly, not believing what he was hearing. "You two are entirely off your onions. Don't you realise that Lily will eventually find out? I mean, the Halloween ball isn't exactly top secret."

"Er . . . he's got a good point there," said Peter, looking at Sirius and Remus for more ideas.

Remus was the first to speak up. "Fine then . . . just dodge Lily for now until we can think of a better plan and-"

But before he could finish, the bell sounded, echoing loudly through the halls to signal the start of classes. Without thinking twice about it, James grabbed his pack and started heading out of the Great Hall. Making a wild grab, Sirius caught him on the shoulder before he could leave.

"Woah turbo," Sirius exclaimed, pulling James back to the other Marauders. "And just were do you think _you're going?"  _

"I'm going to walk Lily to Herbology, like I've always done for the past five years." James explained, looking at Sirius as if he was the slowest person on earth.

"Oh bloody hell, Jim. Haven't you heard a word we said?" Sirius rapped his knuckles on the top of James' head.

"Yes, I have," James snapped back. "Unlike _you, I listen."_

Sirius sent his friend a deathlike glare. James shot one right back at him. Before any _'Padfoot vs. Prongs' wrestling matches could sprout, Remus stepped in and separated the two disgruntled Marauders._

"Oh, come off it, you two," he said. "Don't you remember what happened _last time you fought?"_

"Hey, Sirius' spots have cleared up now," James pointed out. Then as a second thought, he added: "Of course, it doesn't make any difference in his overall appearance, does it?"

"Watch it Potter," Sirius growled threateningly, "or you may find your broomstick 'accidentally mistaken' for firewood--" 

"Okay!" Remus pressed. "Now that we've thoroughly threatened and insulted each other, let's get back to the matter at hand."

"Which would be?" asked Peter.

"Erm," Remus thought for a moment. "I forgot. Got caught up in the memory of Sirius in spots . . ."

"_I was going to walk Lily to Herbology," announced James._

"And _I told him not to," said Sirius, crossing his arms. "As soon as he meets up with Lily, he'll blab about the Halloween ball and then get stuck going. I was only trying to save Prongs from himself."_

"I appreciate the thought, Sirius," said James. "But I can take care of myself, thank you very much."

Sirius stared down at the floor stubbornly. "Yes, well, just don't come crying back to me after you're forced into dress robes on October 31. Which, I guarantee, you will be."

"Fine," James defied.

"Corking," answered Sirius.

"Great."

"Beautiful."

James shook his head and mumbled something under his breath. As he finally turned and headed toward the entrance hall, Sirius' mouth began to twitch uncontrollably.

"What's so funny?" asked Peter. "The fact that James is most likely going to get caught by Lily?"

"Or is it the fact that you're actually going to be right for once in your miserable excuse for an existence?" added Remus.

"No, none of those. And I resent that last one," Sirius started to laugh even harder. "It's the fact that Jim tried to make a dramatic exit—"

Peter raised an eyebrow. "What's so funny about that?"

Sirius snorted. "He still has that poster down his trousers."

Remus and Peter jerked their heads toward James, who was opening a door to the outside grounds, and saw a corner of the neon pink Halloween ball poster sticking out of the edge of his robes.

The three remaining Marauders slowly exchanged glances. When their eyes meet, they burst out with wild laughter.  

* * * * * * * *

Well, what can I say? Er . . . not much until you tell me how much you like this breathtaking piece of literature which lies before you. (In other word: REVIEW! PLEASE! THANK YOU!) The next chapter (Which puts a new character into the random mix of chaos) should be up soon . . .  
Please, keep reviewing and reading! YOUR REVIEWS GIVE ME LIFE!!!  
Cheers! From PezMaster


	2. Comments From The Peanut Gallery

**_NEWLY REVISED!_**

**__**

_Woo-hoo! I'm a speed demon! Can you believe it only took a week to write this chapter? That's  
like, a fan fiction author's dream! All of the dialogue literary spilled out onto paper, and  
eventually on to the computer screen. (*PezMaster's getting a little too gitty . . . .*) Well then  
*cough* *cough*, here's the next chapter, which features my very own full blown, in your face,  
prankster-'extraordinaire' (YEAA! I can spell in French!) So read on and tell me what you think  
of her!  
A/N: Mmmmm . . . . let's see . . . . . I do not own any of the great and powerful Marauders (Or  
anything or anyone in Hogwarts, for that matter) Rosenkranz was a biology teacher of mine. (But  
no, I never put skunks in his desk, though, I did give him a sardine-flavoured jelly bean once.)  
And Phiona Love belongs to me and I very proud of that. (Yes, I am!)___

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**Party Animals**

_CHAPTER TWO:_

_'Comments From The Peanut Gallery'_

The cold October night had come with its wispy chills which slowly spread throughout the castle like wildfire. This vicious draft caused many people to cluster together in the Gryffindor common room, trying to get as close to the burning fireplace without receiving any third degree burns. Sirius, Remus, and Peter, however, had taken to a large couch in the corner of the room. James still hadn't returned from last class and the other Marauders had begun to fear the worse. One of the boys, however, decided that this was the perfect chance to make a little extra quid off of James' misery.

"Okay gentlemen; time to put your galleons down," Sirius announced suddenly, taking out a piece of crumpled parchment.

"Five for me," said Peter, digging in his pocket and pulling out a fist full of lose change.

"Oh, come on, Wormtail," Sirius wrinkled his nose in complete disgust. "Be a little more risky. Let me put you down for ten."

"What, pray tell, are you trying to pull this time?" Remus asked, arching a suspicious eyebrow.

"Betting on Jim," announced Sirius as if this was a completely normal, everyday activity. "Come on, Moony. I'm giving great odds. Three to one that Prongsey actually blows his cover to Lily and--" 

Remus looked shocked. "I thought you had more faith in James! If he said that he's not going to tell Lily, then he's not going to tell Lily. It's as simple as that," he stopped, thought for a second, then continued: "Er . . . better write me up fifteen . . ."

"Ah! Now _there's a good man!" Sirius exclaimed gleefully as he scribbled the bets down on his parchment. "Maybe a bit of me __has rubbed off on you, yet."_

"God forbid," Remus muttered.

At that moment, the picture frame swung open slowly, revealing a very flustered James Potter. Shoulders slumped, he slowly walked over to where his friends were situated. He sat down in the chair next to Sirius, who quickly hid his incriminating bit of parchment.

"How was Herbology, Prongs?" asked Peter, trying his best to hide the threatening smile. 

Without answering, James lifted his glasses and rubbed his eyes while producing a long, heartfelt sign.

"Ah," mused Remus. "Me-thinks no good has come of it."

"_Itoldlily," mumbled James, his face in his hands._

Sirius smiled, finding his friend's discomfort extremely amusing, and cupped an ear with his hand. "What? What was that Jamesy-boy? I couldn't quite hear you."

James winced, as if this all was killing him slowly. "I -- I told _Lily . . . It all just spilled out during class, it did . . . was an __accident—"_

"We don't care if it was an accident. It's not mine or anyone else's problem now," said Sirius, folding his arms across his chest. "You're on your own, mate."

"What's this I hear? Sirius Lee Black is giving up on a fellow Marauder? Dear God, I always knew it would happen, but I'd never thought I would be alive to see it."

A girl with extremely frizzy, fly-away hair had just stepped into the common room. She looked incredibly short and scrawny for her age, but all of her power and energy was radiating in her incredibly deep, brown eyes. With a naturally wild grin on her face, she sat on the arm of the couch to which Sirius and Peter were situated. 

"Well, well. If it isn't our own Phiona," Sirius put on a smirk. "Tell us, Miss. Love, which detention have you just exited from this time?"

"Rosenkranz," Phiona Love said simply, kicking off her left shoe in order to scratch the bottom of her foot. "He finally found those skunks I planted in his drawer. Screamed like a banshee, he did. Can't imagine why, though . . ."

It was widely know that, for Phiona Love, jokes and pranks had become quite a hobby. Along with the four Marauders, she was the only other person in Hogwarts who owned her very own file cabinet to which Filch put all of her terrifically horrible records.  The four boys first came across this chaotic little witch when they shared a detention together, spending two hours in the boys' loo cleaning out urinals with toothbrushes during the Marauders' first year at Hogwarts. It was not a coincidence that she, James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter had become great friends; when you share such experiences together, it's extremely difficult not to form a strong bond with each other.

"But this isn't about me right now," Phiona interrupted the fan fiction author's great story of the frizzy-haired witch's life. "This is _Marauder time."_

_(*PezMaster grumbles in agreement, takes a large gulp out of her cup of highly caffeinated tea, and continues writing:*)_

"Phinny, tell these berks that I can tackle the Hallowe'en ball single handily," James pressed, spouting out spontaneously. "Really, it's nothing to fuss over. . . I can . . . handle it . . ."

"Number one: Don't fool yourself Jim - -Number two: Your not man enough to handle that ball alone - - And number three: Your friends should be there to give you as much moral support as they can possibly muster." Phiona counted off, kicking off her other shoe so that it hit Sirius square in the forehead.

"Woah, woah, woah!" Sirius rose from his seat, not even taking the time to notice that he had just been bombarded by  Phiona's shoe. "This is on _Jim's head, not mine. I'm __not going to a complete hell just because my best mate is in a downward spiral leading to a path of eternal hurt and excruciating pain."_

James, Remus, Peter, and Phiona all recoiled, completely bewildered at their friend's strange outburst. Sirius had never abandoned someone like this; especially not James, the boy whom Sirius considered to be as close as a brother.

"Christ, Padfoot," James couldn't help but sound hurt. "I didn't know you –"

"Don't take it personal, Jim," Sirius interrupted, a slight twinge of pain in his voice. "It's not _you, it's __me . . ."_

Phiona snorted out loud, breaking all seriousness of the conversation. "What are you doing, Sirius? Breaking up with him?"

Sirius shot Phiona a glare that would wither a redwood, before he turned back to James.

"What I mean is, I would _love to help you, Prongs. I really would. It's just that . . ." Sirius trailed, apparently not grasping the correct words to describe his situation._

"You just don't want to be at the ball dateless," finished Remus.

Sirius was taken aback for a moment but then quickly forced an extremely fake chuckle. "That's - - that's ridiculous. I could get a date if I wanted . . . ."

"Sorry, honey. The female order catalogue is illegal in Britain now." Phiona smirked.

"Go throw yourself in front of a train, Phin,"  Sirius retorted promptly.

"You don't have to take a partner to the ball, Padfoot," Peter pointed out.

"And be like Remus?" Sirius snorted. "Thanks but no thanks."

Remus sent an unrelenting glare at Sirius as Phiona shrugged lazily.

"Why not?" she asked. "Even I'm going lone wolf."

Remus winced with imaginary pain as the horrible play on words struck him.

"Er . . . sorry about that, honey. My bad pun."

"Oh, what's the difference?" Remus exclaimed, totally exasperated. "Did someone declare it _'National Mock Remus Day' without me realizing it?"_

"Well, if it is, then I have another one for you," Sirius smiled slyly. "A werewolf walks into a pub. What's the first thing he says?"

"I should really get friends who aren't heartless bastards?" Remus guessed, his voice gone completely monotone.

Sirius continued, a look of utter glee on his face. "He says 'Ouch!'. Get it? Walks _into a __bar? __Into a bar?" he waited for everyone to collapse into a hysteric fit of laughter, but it never came._

Phiona raised an eyebrow, looking as though she was going to be sick. "My God - - Buy a strait-jacket, call a doctor, and reserve a padded room at St. Mungoes. We've got ourselves a bloody madman." 

"Well," Sirius mumbled, a bit bitter that no one found his monstrous joke funny. "If I'm locked up, at least I won't have to go to that berkish ball."

"I don't blame you for not wanting to come, Sirius," said James. "I really can't expect you to—" 

"Nonsense!" Phiona interrupted, putting her arms around Remus and Peter. "Your friends shall be there by your side, Jimmy-boy."

"Of course," said Remus.

"We'll all go, erm . . . lone wolf." Peter said cautiously.

Peter had finally snapped Remus' last, thin nerve. 

"Oh no." Remus twinged, anger finally getting the best of him. "Maybe you and Sirius should go together. I believe you two utterly deserve each other."

James smiled, "Remus is right. You'd be the most handsome couple at the ball."

"I'm already jealous," Phiona remarked airily, picking her teeth with a toothpick she had unearthed from one of her robe pockets.

Sirius, who was utterly disgusted at the very thought of Peter and him accompanying each other, finally broke down. "Fine . . . . I'll just go to the ball _alone," he said. "As long as you lot quit it with the smart-arse remarks." He glared exclusively at Phiona.    _

"Do I have to?" Phiona pretended to pout.

"I believe so," James said, smirking widely. "I mean, even Padfoot can only take so much abuse."

"That's right." said Sirius, crossing his arms, "I have a boiling point to you know." He turned to Phiona, "And your prat-like comments aren't helping one bit, Phin."               

"Sorry, honey," Phiona rapped a friendly arm around Sirius. "It's quite hard for me to keep-"

"Oh, no." Remus winced, knowing exactly what excruciatingly overused pun was coming next. "Don't say it, Phinny. For the sake of all of our sanities, just . . . don't say it - - "

"What I _meant was," Phiona pressed again. "I usually can't be-"_

"I'm warning you, Phin," Sirius cringed. "Don't poke fun at my na-"

"I'm never _SERIOUS!"_

"That's it, woman! You're going to die!"

Sirius made a wild lunge for Phiona, who neatly dodged his grasp. Laughing like a deranged manic, Phiona Love bolted out of the Gryffindor common room, closely followed by a cursing Sirius Black.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

_Yes! Phiona Love is here with vengeance! If you hadn't noticed already, I'm absolutely crazy for  
writing for Phinny. (Oh, by the way, she's on her last year of Hogwarts, one year older then all  
the Marauders. This may come into play later on . . . .) So, for the 'Love' of Phiona, please,  
review for me or I will set free my rabid penguins and take over the world! MUHAHAHA!  
*cough* *sputter*  
Yes . . . . well . . . . All The Best!  
From PezMaster.  
(And , by the way, if your wondering why Sirius was so bent on not going to the ball, Remus  
pegged him right on.(*dramatic music*) You'll find out more in the next chapter . . . .)_


	3. In Which All The Problems Start . . .

**_NEWLY REVISED!_**

**__**

_*'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, only dear PezMaster was stirring, through the window she threw her computer mouse . . .*   
Er . . . never mind about that. I've been struggling with this chapter, but I finally fixed it so it tickles my fancy. Phiona is not in this one (though I tried desperately to stick her in here somewhere). This chapter ties EVERYTHING together, so read . . . hurry . . . oh, come on!  
A/N: Phiona Love is my character, as is Chandra and Jazlan. JK Rowling owns everything else. And the image of Sirius Black in a towel . . . well, I believe that belongs to each and every Sirius-fan out there. (Yes, you've read correctly, SIRIUS IS IN A TOWEL IN THIS STORY!) (*Several Sirius-fan scream girlishly and faint*)_

* * * * * * * * * *

**Party Animals**

_CHAPTER THREE:_

_'In Which All The Problems Start'_

"Ack . . . We still smell like sulphur."

"Well, that's _your fault, isn't it Sirius? You just couldn't bear to sit through the entire Potions class without causing something to explode in a fit of flames, could you?"_

"It was my duty as a Marauder. I take it very seriousl—damn. No pun intended."

"You need to get a new name and I need to get some sane friends."

After a long and odorous potions class, Remus and Sirius were making their way back to the Great Hall for dinner. Because of Sirius' new obsession with blowing up bottles of sulphur, the class had been let out early so that their Professor recover from the third degree burns running across her face. Unfortunately, the two Marauders had also been liberally sprayed with the acid, causing several burnt holes in their robes and a lagging putrid smell which made passers-by gag violently.

"My mum's going to kill me, you know," Remus muttered under his breath, poking his finger through one of his scorched robe pockets. "These are brand new. Thanks to you, they'll probably disintegrate in the wash."

"Don't complain," Sirius wiped his nose on the end of his sleeve. "You've got enough money to buy a whole set of monogrammed robes. How many galleons did you steal off of Pete and I, anyways?"

"It wasn't stealing. It was a bet. And you started it."

"I started it because I expected to win. If I knew that James' will could break _that_ fast, I would have tipped the odds a little."

"In your favour, of course."

"Of course."

Remus shook his head in amusement as he and Sirius walked by a group of Slytherins, who all nearly fainted from the intense smell. "Let's go back to the dorm before we get dinner," Remus suggested. "We should really change or take a shower or som- _OWF-"_

Remus, not looking where he was going, tripped on an untied shoelace and went tumbling into someone, sending both strait to the hard floor.

"Ah, bloody hell. I'm sorry -- my fault . . ."

"No, no. It's okay."

"Really, I wasn't looking for . . . Chandra?"

Remus had looked up to face a fellow Gryffindor sixth year. He was sent into a spiral, shocked by how close he was to this pretty hazelnut haired, blue-eyed school mate. Flustered with embarrassment, Remus blushed a deep scarlet.

"So, I heard what you and Sirius did in Potions," Chandra scrunched up her nose as Remus helped her up. "Sulphur, huh?"

"Yeah. We just had a sudden urge to blow something up so we could smell like dragon shit all day." commented Sirius, putting a causal arm on Remus' shoulder.

"I . . . see . . ." Chandra tried to smile but the sulphur odour overwhelmed her. She gagged instead. "Maybe you two should take a shower before you go down to the Great Hall. The Slytherins would have a field day with you two if you showed up there like this."

"Thanks for the advice. We'll consider it. Eh, Remie?" Sirius elbowed his fellow Marauder in the ribs. Remus, who was standing there with his mouth hanging open like a hypnotised village idiot, let out a surprised grunt. Chandra couldn't help but giggle and Sirius rolled his eyes in disgust.

"Hey! Hey Chandra! Wait up!"

Another Gryffindor sixth year came bounding down a fight of stairs, her curly hair bouncing with each step. She stopped short at the foot of the staircase, apparently repealed by the wafting odour coming from the two Marauders.

"Oh, _bugger_," the girl exclaimed loudly, plugging her nose. "Did Peeves set off some extra strength dung bombs, or something?"

"No, Jazlan," Chandra addressed the girl. "It's just Remus and Sirius again."

Jazlan Gringsby perked up as soon as she heard the Marauders' names. A grin spread across her face as she strolled towards the little group.

"Oh . . . Hullo, _Sirius." Jazlan's grin became even wider, her ears tingeing red._

"Hey," replied Sirius, and graced the girl with a mysterious wink. He could never resist piling the charm on thick when a member of the opposite sex was around. Frankly, the other Marauders found this disgusting display of testosterone utterly repulsive.

"Come on, Jazlan," said Chandra, pulling her friend away from Sirius. "We'd better get going. We've got-"

"Chandra?"

Everyone jumped. Apparently Remus had finally remembered how to talk again.

"Yes?" asked Chandra.

"Er . . ." Remus shifted uncomfortably on his feet. "I was wondering . . . If you weren't doing anything . . . If you don't already have a date . . ."

"If I would go to the Hallowe'en ball with you?" Chandra guessed.

Remus nodded, looking as though he would vomit if he opened his mouth to reply.

"I'd love to, Remus," said Chandra as Jazlan giggled in the background.

An almost drunk-like grin of utter Utopia spread across Remus's face. 

Sirius, however, scowled. 

"_What_?" he whispered harshly, quickly jerking his friend aside. "I thought we were all going lone wolf."

Remus shrugged somewhat lazily, gazing back at Chandra. "You'll still have Peter. He's going by himself."

"Er . . . no." Jazlan interrupted the Marauders' little pow-wow. "Peter just asked me last class." She sounded quite disappointed, looking at Sirius longingly.

As Sirius slapped his forehead and muttered a short string of curses under his breath, Chandra tugged on Jazlan again.

"Well, we've got to get going, then," said Chandra as she and Jazlan started up the staircase. "See you at the ball, Remus."

"Yeah, see you." Remus waved, the goofy smirk permanently plastered on his face.

As soon as the two girls were gone down the hall, Sirius wasted no time and smacked his fellow Marauder up side the head.

"Ouch! W-"

"Why the hell did you go and do that for?" exclaimed Sirius, interrupting Remus' complaints.

"Do what?" Remus raised an eyebrow, rubbing the back of his head. "Ask Chandra to the ball?"

"No, insult the Queen of bloody England!" Sirius snapped back, his voice absolutely dripping with sarcasm. "Yes, of course I meant _'ask Chandra to the ball'_, you unbelievable berk Now _I'm_ the only one without a date. I've got a reputation to uphold, you know."

Remus sighed heavily as he and Sirius walked towards the Gryffindor common room, completely forgetting about dinner.

"It's not that big of deal, Padfoot." Remus said almost lazily. "A lot of boys-" 

"Well, I'm not like other boys, am I?" Sirius exclaimed, crossing his arms stubbornly. "So, got any ideas or am I going to have to ask out a mountain troll?"

Remus chuckled to himself. "Actually, that _would_ be pretty amusing."

"You're not helping, Lupin." 

"Fine, fine. Don't get your boxers in a bunch . . . erm . . . _'utter nonsense'." Remus and Sirius briskly stepped through the portrait hole and into the Gryffindor common room. "Why don't you ask Phiona? She already said she was going by herself. I'm sure she wouldn't mind if you helped her raise some hell at the ball."_

Sirius bit his lip as his face tinted soft red; Remus was quite taken-aback.

"Padfoot? Is that a trace of embarra-"

"I _never_ get embarrassed," Sirius interrupted angrily. "And I can't take Phinny to the dance. She's . . . erm, in seventh year. I'm only in sixth."

Remus raised an eyebrow, "That's never stopped you before."

"Go kick off, wolf-boy."

"In fact, I remember a couple of months ago . . . How much older was that blond? Five years? Seven years?"

"I will be forced to kill you, Lupin, if you don't proceed to sod off. And, anyways, she was only nineteen."

Remus kept a silent smile on his face as he and Sirius made their way into their dorm room. As soon as they stepped inside, Sirius quickly grabbed a towel and ran into the bathroom to take a much needed shower, leaving Remus to sort through a pile of laundry, searching hopelessly for a clean pare of clothes.

"Oh God -- Did something die in here _again?"_

James, who was closely followed by Peter, had just walked into the dorm. As the intense smell of sulphur hit them, they staggered at the door, looking as though they were about to blow their groceries.

Remus, who was quite tired of this reaction, crossed his arms and rolled his eyes. "Padfoot decided to see how much chaos he could create in one potions class. It wasn't very amusing."

"I bet." James sat down on his bed and kicked off his shoes. "So, did you hear about Pete's good news? Looks like only you and Sirius are going to the Hallowe'en ball solo."

Peter smiled almost sheepishly, his ears going red, "I asked Jazlan Gringsby tonight."

"We heard," said Remus. "And believe me, Sirius isn't too thrilled about it."

As if on queue, the running water in the bathroom stopped. Sirius came casually strolling out, a towel around his waist and his overgrown hair sopping wet. "Remus, you should try Pete's new body wash. It makes you smell like mang . . . oh."

The four Marauders stood in awkward silence for several hard seconds before Peter piped up:

"It's not mango, its tropical fruit."

James winced, really not caring to receive this information "That's not much better, Wormtail."

Sirius shook his head as he grabbed another towel to dry his hair. "Maybe Jazlan would like some of that for her birthday, Peter," he said darkly, then turning to Remus. "Oh hell, why don't you get some for Chandra while you're at it?"

"Remus, would you mind explaining to me what the hell Sirius is going on about?" asked James, raising an eyebrow.

"He's a little bitter because I asked Chandra to the ball tonight." explained Remus.

"So now, thanks to the amazing berkish talents of Wolf-Man and his sidekick Rat-Boy, I'm the only one without a date," added Sirius, who had finished drying his hair so that it now stood on end. "And every good looking girl is taken."

"Have you ever heard of the word '_shallow', Pads?" James questioned._

"Why don't you ask Phiona to go with you?" Peter suggested lightly. "I'm sure she wouldn't-"

"I've already suggested that," interrupted Remus. "But, for some childish reason, Sirius didn't even think twice about it."

James raised an eyebrow, a sly smile glazing over his face. "What's wrong, Padfoot? To scared to ask Phiona Love out on a date?"

"I am not scared, you nob!" Sirius snapped, his eyes narrowing dangerously. "Phinny's just a good friend. Who just happens to be a girl."

"So she's your girl . . . friend."

"Ye-NO! _No_! That's not what I meant!"

"Of course that's what you meant," teased James, as if doing so took no effort whatsoever. "You've got a flame for Phin, don't you?"

Sirius clenched his fists, though his ears started to go pink again. "I do _not_!"

"Of course you do. We all hear you when you talk in your sleep." James put on a high pitched voice for his impression of Sirius: "_Oh, Phin! I love you! Hold me Phin! Kiss me like you've never kissed another man. Oh, **Phinny!"**_

"Damn it, Potter!" Sirius growled like a dog, advancing on James, who looked utterly pleased with himself for pissing off his friend so much. "Wank off, you little bastard!"

Remus pulled Sirius back before he could break James's nose. "No fighting tonight, Padfoot," Remus muttered, restraining his friend. "Besides, it wouldn't look so good. You're just wearing a towel . . . we wouldn't want Lily to get jealous, now, would we?"

Almost magically, Sirius's face slowly cracked into a small smile. "Yes, I suppose your right." he then put on the same high pitched voice James had used for his impression: "Oh, Jamesy, dearest? Would you be a sweet heart and go fetch me my pants? There still in the showers."

"With absolute relish, lamb-chop." James played along, rather then to fight with Sirius, and waltzed over to the next room to retrieve his companion's clothes.

Remus shook his head as he grabbed his pyjamas from a pile of clothes at the foot of his bed. "I'll never understand you and Jim," he said to Sirius. "One minute you're at each other's throats, the next you're giving each other pet names."  
Sirius threw an arm around Remus, still holding the towel with the other. "Yes, it's true. Prongs and I have a fickled relationship. Maybe, one day, you'll have a special connection with someone, too."

Peter smiled, sitting on his bed. "Like that girl you asked out tonight. What was her name? Tandra?"

"It's Chandra," said Remus mildly, taking off his robes and putting on a white shirt and a pare of pyjama bottoms. "And that's why I asked her to the ball –"

Sirius put a hand on his heart, pretending to look scandalized. "Ah! Methinks Remie has begun to crack under the pressure of his teenaged male hormones! Going to ask that special someone to share a nap with you?"

"Who says I haven't already?" Remus arched an eyebrow airily.

Sirius snorted loudly. "You're joking," he spat out, but Remus clearly did not find any humour in the subject. For once, Sirius was quite speechless. "You're _joking_," he repeated, asking a question rather then making a statement.

Peter went absolutely pale. "You mean  . . . _You_—"

Remus nodded knowingly, a small smirk of contentment creeping its way across his face.

"I _don't_ believe you," Sirius narrowed his eyes. "I always thought I'd be the first to go . . . then maybe Jim – but _you_?" he paused for a moment and mused restlessly over the horrible thought. "Fine then, who is she?"

Taking the time to think of an answer to really eat away at his companion's nerves, Remus replied delicately: "Phiona." 

Sirius almost choked with laughter. "_Phiona? That's the best you could come up with? Bloody hell, Lupin, if you're going to make something up, make it so that it actually sounds believable. _Phiona_? Christ, you'd have an easier time taking Snape out for a romantic evening then jumping into bed with Phiona."_

Remus didn't care to reply. His expression stayed coolly on his face, the corner of his mouth not even twitching. He almost seemed . . . completely serious.

"Moony," Sirius's laughter quickly died off, his heart flopping thickly in his chest. "Please tell me your joking."

No expression. Nothing.

"Oh God!" Peter's eyes widened, a fit of nausea rolling over his stomach. "Oh God, oh God, oh God! He's really _not_ joking! Jesus, Remus, _how **could you?**_" 

"Don't believe him, Pete," Sirius eyed the werewolf suspiciously. "The little berk's lying."

"Fine then. You don't believe me?" Remus's smile grew even wider, as if he was enjoying batting around with his friends' sanity. "Ask Phinny. She'll tell you."

"I think I _will ask," Sirius said darkly. "Just so I can prove what a lying bastard you are."_

Remus smirked, quite glade Sirius was ready to call his bluff. "She steals the covers, you know."

"Lupin, I –"

"And howls. Thinks she's a werewolf herself."

"You're completely and utterly full of shit."

"Thank you."

"It's not nice to spread rumours, Remie." Sirius gritted his teeth. "If _Chandra_ ever hears about this, which I will personally make sure of, she'd dump you on the spot. And Phin will string you up by your werewolf arse if she knew you were –"

"That might be a bigger problem then we thought . . ."

James was still standing next to the far wall, Sirius's pants completely forgotten. He was holding at a large wall calendar which was usually posted above Remus's trunk.

"Believe me, James, I've seen Phin do it before," Sirius claimed. "She'd absolutely _shred_ Remus if—" 

"It's not Phiona I'm worried about," James shook his head. "It's the werewolf part that's got me a bit concerned." 

"What?" colour began to creep out of Remus's as he walked over to James, taking back his calendar with an air of concern.

"It's that time of month again." James pointed out the date of October 31, the night of the Hallowe'en ball. Big, block letters were written across the block which read: **_FULL MOON_. **

_*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*_

_(*Dramatic music sounds*) Oh, my . . . look what I've created . . . . it's some sort of cliff-hanger (*Several readers run for their lives*). Well, sorry to leave you all stranded like this. I'll have the next chapter up as soon as I can find a computer that works (*PezMaster begins to pray to the great Computer God). Until then, please enjoy the image of Sirius in a towel (I'm sure many of you are) and, for the love of Fred, PLEASE MAKE MY DAY AND REVIEW! *cough* *sputter* Er . . . thank 'ya kindly. . . .  
Cheers and Pineapples for all!  
Much love from PezMaster_


	4. Exploding Cabbages Are Always The Answer

**_NEWLY REVISED!_**

**__**

_Er . . . I really don't have anything to say . . . This chapter doesn't really light my fire. It just kind of acts like a bridge between the last chapter and the Halloween ball. I had to re-work it several times. (*PezMaster starts beating her head repetitively into the wall*) I . . . Have . . . Too . . . Much . . . . Time . . . On . . . My . . . Hands . . .- Ow, that really hurt . . . (*PezMaster rubs the bruise forming on her forehead*)  
A/N: Good ol' Moony, Wormtale, Padfoot, and Prongs belong to the great Ms. Rowling. Though, I have the pleasure of owning Phiona Love and her exploding cabbages. *cough* *sputter*  
  
_

* * * * * * * * * *

**Party Animals**

_CHAPTER FOUR:_

_'Exploding Cabbages Are Always The Answer'_

"It's going to be okay, Moony. We'll figure something out."

"Stop being an optimist, Peter. It's really gnawing on my nerves."

"I was just trying to help . . ."

It seemed as though the four Marauders had made a new makeshift home base in a corner of the cluttered Hogwartian library. In a matter of hours, massive piles of parchment and texts built up so high around the boys, Peter had quite a hard time looking over the tall fortress. Madam Pince, the school's anal-retentive librarian, began to become a bit more edgy by the minute, her eyes barely leaving the Marauders' encampment. It were boys like these, she knew, that would never think twice about pissing on the Dewey decimal system.   

"I say we just don't go," stated James, who was sitting on one of the long oak tables. "That would solve all of our problems."

"Remus was really looking forward to his date with Chandra, Jim," Sirius mumbled to James so that the other two Marauders couldn't hear. "He definitely has a flame for that girl. This ball's going to be a golden opportunity for him."

There was a pause of deep thought drawn out between the two Marauders before Sirius slid off the table besides James. "We could just tell Chandra about Moony's little problem," he suggested quietly.

James raised an eyebrow, a little shocked at the crazy suggestion. "_We're_ not even suppose to know about Remus' secret. If it ever got out in the open—"

"I'd much appreciate it if you included me in this conversation."

James and Sirius slowly turned to face Remus, who was scribbling intensely on a bit of parchment. His face had started to be drained of all colour, an early warning sign of what was in store for him during the full moon.

"Sorry, Moony," James apologized, feeling a bit sheepish for talking behind his friend's back. "We were just talking about-" 

"I heard," Remus tapped his ear, still looking down at his parchment.

"Damn werewolf super-sensitive hearing," Sirius muttered to himself. "I _hate_ it when he does that."

Remus ignored his friend's comment and continued: "I thought about it for a long time and I came to the only conclusion." he stopped speaking, looked up at his fellow Marauders, and finally handed James the parchment he had been working so hard on.

With Sirius behind his right shoulder and Peter on his left, James began to read: "_'Chandra; It has taken me many hours of contemplating the right thing to do. I believe you deserve the truth and all that comes with it. By time you read this, I will be-_' " James stopped short, "Oh _shit_, Remus! You can't throw around something like this." He crumbled the parchment in his hands, "You can't just tell _anyone_."

Remus' face was placid. "I told Phiona a couple years ago."

"That's completely different," Sirius put it. "Phin can be more vicious then the Russian Mafia. You told her because you'd like to keep your knee caps un-shattered."

"I told Phiona because she's someone close to me. A good friend."

"That and she would have found out sooner or later," James commented. "Just like us. But Chandra . . ."

Remus stood up to his full height, completely expressionless. "Chandra needs an explanation – No, she _deserves an explanation. James, I'm tired of hiding from this. I've got to make some sacrifices every once and a while. This is just going to be one of them."_

"_Jesus_, this is ludicrous!" Sirius took the note out of James's hand and looked over it again. "There must be a way to get you into the ball."

Remus curved an eyebrow. "And how do you propose we do that, Sirius? Put me on a leash and pretend I'm Peter's new doggy?"

Peter whimpered at the thought of him leading around a man-eating werewolf.

"There must be a way," pressed James, running a hand through his tousled hair. "There's always a loop-hole."

"I can't just waltz into the ball, Prongs," commented Remus. "Dumbledore and all the other Professors know I should be transforming in that old house in Hogsmeade. I'll get caught."

"That's never stopped you before," Sirius said, giving his friend an encouraging smile.

Remus frowned a little, causing Sirius' grin to dissolve. "This is not some half-witted prank, Sirius. I have certain responsibilities. If I transform during the ball, I'm putting everyone's lives at risk."

Sirius still wasn't convinced, "That's _only if you transform during the ball."_

"Oh God, Padfoot," Remus snorted, trying to hold back his laughter. "Unless you come up with a cure between now and-"

"I'm not talking about a cure," said Sirius, bending down to sort through a pile of crumbled parchment. "I'm talking about good timing. The ball starts at nine, doesn't it? And ends around twelve."

"And you always say that you transform around mid-night, when all the clouds are gone and the moon's at its highest point," James picked up Sirius's point. "So, if we smuggle you out around eleven, you'll have plenty of time to-"

"Oh no," Remus cut James off, shaking his head and walking backwards from his friends. "I'm not -- I can't --"

"You are and you can," Sirius crossed his arms, completely stubborn. He loved playing the devil's advocate.

Remus paused, thinking for a second. Before he got a chance to retort, though, Peter piped up:

"How are we going to sneak him in?" he asked, his voice squeaking. "If we get caught by any Professors . . ."

"You're not helping, Wormtail," Sirius elbowed Peter in the ribs, making the smaller boy squawk in pain.

"We'll figure that part out later," James took off his glasses and cleaned the smudged lens with a fistful of robes. "Right now, we need to think up a way to get Remus out before his transformation."

"Woah, woah, woah. When did I agree to go?" Remus exclaimed.

James put his glasses back on and placed a hand on Remus' shoulder, "For once, don't think with your brain, Moony. Think with your heart."

Sirius snorted with laughter, breaking any sentimental value left in the conversation. "You better agree with Jamesy-boy or he'll get even more soft and fluffy," he smirked. "Next, he'll make you read romance novels, pick flowers, and cross-stitch pillows."

As James heaved a particularly heavy book at Sirius's head in retaliation, Remus took a deep breath and sat on top of the oak table.                                    

"Fine," he said, "I'll go."

"Now, there's a good man!" Sirius smiled, hiding behind Remus so James couldn't throw another book at him. "There's the chaotic Marauder we all know and love!"

"Yeah, well," Remus shrugged, smiling for the first time all night. "I really do want to go to the ball with Chandra. I'm not about to let a little thing like a full moon get in my way, am I?"

"Amen!" Sirius exclaimed in agreement.

"I still don't think this is such a good idea," muttered Peter, looking at his fellow Marauders with concern. "How are we suppose to get Remus out of the ball and under the Whomping Willow before twelve?"

"A distraction, of course," said James, as if it was the most obvious thing on earth. "Some extra strength dung bombs, a couple of ever-bashing boomerangs, spontaneous combusting pasties."

"Or I could just spike the punch." suggested Sirius gleefully.

James shook his in complete disgust, "I don't think so. No matter how much fun that sounds, I really don't was to be the responsible for what happens when half of Hogwarts gets soused out of their minds."

"Fine then," Sirius agreed reluctantly. "Just get me some peanut butter, keys to the girls' lavatories, fifteen minutes, and I can throw together som-"

"Not a chance in hell, Padfoot," Remus crossed his arms with a slight smile on his face. "Remember what happened last time we gave you an open jar of peanut butter?"

"Oh . . . . I forgot about that . . . ."

"What we need is a professional," said James, leaning on the oak table. "Someone who could create some chaos at a moments notice, just in case something does go wrong. We need a master of distraction-"

_plop__ . . .  plop . . . **BOOOOOMMMMMMM!** _

As if on cue, a loud explosion sounded from out side the doors of the library. It was followed by several more eruptions and a multitude of people screaming. A couple of seconds later, a grinning Phiona Love walked in, complete with bits of lettuce in her frizzy hair. When she saw the Marauders, she strolled over to them, her dark eyes bright and flashing.

"Having fun, Phin?" Sirius asked, nodding toward the doors of the library, from which screaming could still be heard.

"Loads," Phiona smiled, picking bits of vegetation out of her hair.

"What . . . What did you do?" Peter asked, wincing, as if he was afraid of the impending answer.

"Made a dozen or so rotten cabbages explode in the corridor, which just happened to be filled with a bunch of Slytherins at the time," Phiona replied, as if it was a normal, everyday activity. She sat down in a chair, kicked off her shoes, and put her feet on the oak table. "It was quite invigorating. You boys should try it sometime."

The four Marauders all exchanged slow, meaningful glances. They then all turned towards Phiona, looking at her as if she was their messiah.

Phiona raised an inquisitive eyebrow. "What?" she asked. "Do I have a bogey hanging from my nose?"

James smiled. "Gentlemen," he addressed his fellow Marauders. "I believe we have our distraction . . ."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
_  
Yes, that's Phinny for you. Now, you may not think exploding rotten cabbages are so bad, but, believe me, they stink like a dump load of decaying fish . . . or my socks (*cough* *gag* *sputter*) Those Slytherins will be ripe for a couple weeks. . . . Oh, you got to love the stink-factor in there . . .  
Anywho, you know what time it is now. It's time for all you lovely readers out there to (*drumroll*) REVIEW!! (*Several readers cringe*) Oh, come off it. Reviewing isn't that bad, I do it all the time. I always give GOOD reviews (hint, hint, wink, wink, nudge, nudge.)  
Well, the next chapter will be up soon. And, I promise you, this story will get better.   
Cheers and exploding cabbages for all!  
( BOOOOOMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!)  
From, PezMaster.___


	5. Things Are Getting Pretty 'Hairy'

**_NEWLY REVISED!_**

**__**

_Oh, I love this chapter so much. It took me a while, but it was all worth it, baby! (*PezMaster does a little happy-dance*) Okay, enough will all the silly small talk. On to the Halloween ball, Marauder style . . .  
A/N: Phiona Love is my character. Mine, Mine, MINE! *cough* *sputter* Er . . . yes, well. . . I also own Jazlan and Chandra, but no one cares about them. Everything else belongs to the great and powerful Ms. Rowling.   
  
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* * * * * * * * * *

**Party Animals**

_CHAPTER FIVE:_

_'Things Are Getting Pretty Hairy'_

"What the hell are you doing in there, Jim? Trying to make all the urinals invisible again?"

"I believe you did that, Sirius. Not James."

"Oh, yeah. I did, didn't I? Simply slipped my mind. The urinal thing _was_ pretty funny, wasn't it?"

"A total laugh-riot."

After what seemed to be weeks of nervous waiting, the four Marauders were slowly preparing themselves for the Hallowe'en Ball that night. James, who had been more antsy then the rest of the boys put together, had stubbornly locked himself in the bathroom as he tried to tame his unruly hair. His friends could hear him as he kept mumbling curses, mixed briefly with Lily's name. This only provoked Sirius to sit by the lavatory door and let out brief fits of loud coughs which sounded suspiciously like the phase '_Whipped Berk!'. Remus was paler then ever . . . in yet he still had enough energy to joke with his friends, which was probably the only reason why he hadn't snapped from all of the stress pressing upon him._

"Remember Peter's face when he couldn't find them?" Sirius nudged Remus with his elbow, both of them chuckling to themselves.

"That was _not_ very funny." Peter frowned, sending a glare towards the other two boys. "You three could have just told me that they were invisible, but no – You wanted to see me _suffer_."

"Think nothing of it, Wormtail." Sirius slapped Peter on the back. "That's what friends are for."

As Peter murmured something about getting new friends, James finally stepped out of the bathroom with absolute flourish. Incredibly, two hours and several charms seemed to have no affect whatsoever on his hair. In fact, it looked as though it could even rival Phiona's frizzy bird's nest.

"So?" he pressed hopefully, motioning to his hair like a Muggle shampoo as gone horribly wrong. "How bad is it?"

"Remind me to pity your future children, Prongs," Sirius grimaced, shaking his head in complete disgust.

Why? The fact that the poor child would have James Potter for a father?" Remus questioned, deciding to join Sirius's mean little game.

Sirius ruffed James's hair, which only made its sad state worse. "That and the poor kid will have to wear a hat for the rest of its life." 

"My _God_." Remus put a hand to his heart, pretending to act shocked. "You it's . . . _hereditary?"_

"If it is, then we better get old Jimmy-boy neutered," Sirius grinned evilly. "Before the horrid 'Potter hair' strikes another generation."

"Are you two quite done yet?" James muttered, not looking very amused. "Or is this going to be going on all night?"

"All night," Sirius said almost lazily. "But we're starting to run out of material. There are only so many bad hair jokes in the world, you know."

"Thank _God_," James said, fixing the collar of his dress robes. "Now, are we ready to go?"

There was an unsettling silence that flowed easily through the dorm. All eyes were on Remus, who nervously glanced out the window to avoid any eye-contact. A shadow of the full moon glared threateningly against the darkening sky.

"Don't worry about it, Moony." Sirius gave a bracing smile, trying his best to comfort his friend. "We'll get you in there. You can do a little mingling — et cetra, et cetra, et cetra — then we'll get you out of there before the moon breaks the clouds and you'll be transforming happily under your tree. No worries."

Peter looked around nervously, wringing his hands. "But what is there are problems?" he asked fearfully. "What if Remus transforms before we can get him out?"

Sirius threw a glare at Peter. "Is the glass never half full with you? Of _course_ we'll get him out." He crossed his arms stubbornly and added under his breath, "It _will_ work."

Remus didn't look so sure, however. As he glanced out the window again, the shadow of the moon hit him. A dull ache pulled through his skull and spread through his body.

James put a friendly arm on his friend's shoulder. "Nothing will go wrong, Remus. But if it does, we've got Phinny as back up. She'd rather eat in dragon dung then let something happen to one of us."

"You're right." Remus finally turned away from the window. "I don't know why I'm so worried . . . It's all going to work out."

"There's a good man." Sirius smiled, clapping Remus on the back. "Now, come on. I believe you three have some lovely birds waiting downstairs for you."

Adjusting their dress robes, the four Marauders finally made their way down the spiral staircase. The Gryffindor common room looked very strange, full of people wearing different colours instead of the usual mass of black. Lily was near one of the couches, chatting cheerfully with several other giddy girls. As soon as she caught sight caught sight of the boys, Lily carved through the crowd towards them, her pearl white robes complementing her red hair and the wide smile on her face.

"Thanks for coming with me, James," she said when she arrived, giving her boyfriend a kiss on the corner of his mouth.

"Why wouldn't I?" asked James with a sly grin on his face.

"Oh, I know how you hate these things," said Lily. "I was surprised when you brought it up in Herbology. Thought you of all people would run and hide as soon as you found out about it."

Sirius snorted into his sleeve as James forced a nervous laugh. 

"Huh," James mumbled sheepishly, shooting a glare of warning at Sirius. "Imagine that . . ." 

Chandra, wearing robes of gold, and Jazlan, who wore robes of bright yellow, soon came over to join the little group. Both looked as happy as Lily as they chatted with Remus and Peter. Sirius, however, became a bit antsy. He was most certainly out of his prime, missing the beautiful girls he should be having on each arm. 

"Er . . . Lil'?" Sirius glanced around the common room. "Have you seen Phinny yet?"

Lily rolled her eyes. "Oh, she's around somewhere," she said. "You know Phiona, she absolutely hates getting dressed up. She probably ditched the ball to hide exploding pasties in the food or make sure every beverage contains some sort of alcohol."

"And miss the opportunity to see the Marauders make complete arses out of themselves? Not a chance, Lil', not a chance."

A girl stepped out of the crowd, wearing dress robes of metallic-aquamarine. Her hair was sleek and shimmering, glittering with what looked like hundreds of diamonds. Around her neck was a tiny dragon tooth on a sliver chain.

"_Phiona_?" Lily squealed girlishly. "Oh, you look absolutely _wicked!"_

"Don't start with me, Evans." Phiona crossed her arms impatiently, not looking pleased at all. "Honestly, I was just going to come down in my Quidditch robes. But, one of my friends from the dorm forced me into this thing," she grimaced, rubbing the back of her neck as if she wasn't use to what was done to her wild mane. "Jess did my hair with absolute flourish. You don't know how much I want to stick my head down a toilet and – What the hell are you looking at?"

Phiona finally noticed Sirius gawking at her, his mouth hanging wide open. The rest of the Marauders, too, stood in awe. They had never seen their friend without her frizzy hair and worn out school robes. Phiona looked like a whole different person, though nothing could wash away her sarcastic attitude.

"Dear _God_, I knew I let Jess go overboard with all this ball shit." Phiona angrily pulled out one of the tiny diamonds, making a small strand of hair fall in front of her right eye. "Here, you wankers, help me take all these bloody things out."

"No," Sirius said, finally remembering how to speak again. "No . . . you look . . . wonderful . . ."

Phiona stopped picking at her hair and raised an eyebrow, not knowing what to make of her friend. "Right then," she said slowly. "Black? Are you drunk?"

James coughed, breaking the awkward pause that would most likely occur on Sirius's side of the fence. "Well then, we'd better be off. Time's wasting." He caught Remus's eye with a sideways glance.

"Right," agreed Remus, who couldn't help but glance out the window at the moon, which was still shrouded in dark clouds.

The group slowly made their way through the common room and towards the Great Hall, which took longer then usual since everywhere was completely packed with giddy students in their dress robes. The Great Hall itself was worth the monotonous trip, though. Several live bats were flying around the hundreds of lit jack-o'-lanterns, which levitated a few feet above everyone's heads. The four house tables had been removed and were replaced by several round tables, which were distributed around the outskirts of the hall, each lit by three white candles. Drapes of black, gold, and blood-red had been placed over the large windows, giving the hall an eerie appearance since the only lights in the room came from the jack-o'-lanterns and the flickering candles on the tables. A band was setting up in one corner of the hall, thousands of small, white candles illuminating their stage. 

"Oh good," mumbled Phiona absentmindedly as she and her fellow Gryffindors walked pass the band. "_Eye of Newt. They're much better then those other blokes with the bagpipes."_

"And they're rather attractive, aren't they?" Lily commented to Phiona, as both concentrated unusually hard on a twenty-something year old wizard who had just taken a guitar out of its case.

"Oh, they probably can't even string two words together," said James irritably. 

"Mmmmm?" Lily mumbled, apparently too entranced with the gorgeous young musician to listen to anyone at the moment.

James shook his head in complete disgust. He took Lily by the arm and literally pulled her to a small table, as far away from the walking testosterone-fest as humanly possible. Remus, Chandra, Jazlan, and Peter also left, succouring their own tables.

Feeling quite uncomfortable with being by himself, Sirius glanced around, looking to strike up a conversation with Phiona. Phinny, however, had a little barricade of boys around her already, all trying to drum up conversations of their own. Something turned irritably in Sirius's stomach. _'Where do they get off trying to pick up my date?' he thought. It took him a while to remember that Phiona wasn't his date. Oops . . ._

"Excuse me? Sirius?"

Completely startled from his deep thoughts, Sirius jumped backward, almost bowling over the short girl who had spoken to him.

"Oh . . .erm, sorry 'bout that," Sirius mumbled as he regained his balance. 

The girl blushed profusely, apparently not noticing or caring that she had almost been stepped on. "Ummm . . . I'm Julia . . . I was in you Potions class last year? . . . You asked me if you could borrow some of my fish intestines?"

Sirius nodded slowly, having no clue what the girl was going on about.

The girl turned a deep purple. "Oh . . .well . . . I was just – just wondering if you would like to  . . ." she choked, suddenly looking as though she was going to vomit. "Dance . . .with me?"

"Dance?" Sirius just seemed to notice that the band struck up a loud, energetic song. He glanced back towards Phiona (who was already out on the dance floor with the captain of the Ravenclaw Quidditch team) and then glanced down at the girl in front of him, who looked as though she would burst into tears if he refused.

Sirius gave her a warm smile. "Sure," he said. "I'd love to dance with you."

The girl's eyes went wide as she squeaked something in reply, apparently dumbfounded that Sirius had actually excepted.

* * * * * * * * * *

Sirius found that going by himself to the Halloween ball was quite satisfying. After one song, the short girl ran off, still blushing a deep red. Seeing that he had no partners, girls literally threw themselves at Sirius, who very much enjoyed the experience. It actually took him a while to pry himself away from all the attention.

"You sure look like you're having more fun then you're suppose to."

Sirius weaved his way around the crowd to find Phiona leaning against one of the round tables. She seemed as though she was in her element, a look usually only reserved for the Quidditch pitch. The strand of hair was still covering her right eye, but the left one was bright and alive, seemingly gleaming with excitement.

"What can I say?" Sirius smiled. "I've got that certain animal magnetism."

"Yeah right, Black," Phiona said, clearly unimpressed. "If you have animal magnetism then I'm giving birth to Hungarian Horntail."

"Ouch, that's going to hurt," Sirius said. "But, it seems like your little followers don't mind too much." He nodded towards the group of boys who were all staring intensely at Phiona. One of them gave Sirius a very dirty look.

"I can't get rid of them." Phiona blew the piece of hair out of her eyes; it just fell back in front of her face. "Those little gits are mosquitoes. Buzzing around, bugging the hell out of me, just trying to get a chance to nibble at my neck."

Sirius snorted at is friend's bluntness. "Well then," he said. "Now you know what really makes men tick."

Phiona gave a half-grimace. "God, I really didn't need to realize _that_." She looked towards the direction of her little group, who all smiled and waved. "Honestly, don't they know that they're all acting like complete berks?"

"No," Sirius replied. "They're not acting like berks, they're just acting like blokes." The Ravenclaw Quidditch captain shot Sirius a warning glare. To retort, Sirius put a friendly arm around Phiona, making the group of boys even more irritated.

Phiona, not noticing the ongoing war between her friend and her followers, glanced around the dance floor. "So . . . Remus has really been doing his job, hasn't he? I haven't seen him all night and he promised me a dance."

Something hit Sirius right then and there, which led him to ask, "Phiona? Could I ask you something about you . . . and Remus?"

"No, I didn't put that piranha in his knickers drawer."

"That's not what I meant, but I'll keep it in mind," Sirius mused. "Er, I heard – from Remus, mind you – that you and him were . . . God, Phin, this is so idiotic. I know it _can't_ be true, but I have to ask."

"Spit it out, honey."

"Have you and Remus ever – you know . . . copped off?"

Phiona's face cracked into a smile. The same smile she used when explaining to Professor Gemar that turning her caldron into a wild boar was completely an accident. "Once," she replied, the ends of her mouth twitching."

Sirius arched an eyebrow, his heart momentarily stopping. "You're . . . you're _serious_?"

"No, you're _Sirius_." An evilly gleeful smile grew over Phiona's face.

"Phinny, just tell me you're joking . . . please?"

"Oh, but I'm not joking," Phiona's grin almost became unbearable.

"You and Remus planed this to give me a heart attack, didn't you?"

"Do you want details? I can tell you that he steals the covers—"

"You two belong in St. Mungo's together."

"Oooo . . . and he _howls_!"

"Phinny, stop it!"

"What's the matter, Black?" Phiona asked between her cat-like smirk. "Jealous?"

"Not even close, Love." Sirius could hear his heart beat pounding in his ears. "Now, why don't you run off to your group of boyfriends and go sleep with _them_? I'll tell Remus where you are so he can join you later."

Phiona's eyes flashed, looking a bit shocked at Sirius' jab. "I'll pretend I didn't hear that, bucko," she said, taking Sirius' arm off of her. "Now, I'm going to check for Lupin, see if he started to grow a tail or something. Why don't you just sit here and remember how to take a joke?" 

As Phiona walked back into the crowd, her beautiful robes flowing like an aquamarine ghost, Sirius smacked himself in the forehead. How could he be so dense? Why was he acting like this? It couldn't be jealousy . . . could it? 

Shoulders drooped, Sirius walked over to an empty table and sat down. He slumped down as far as possible into his chair, hands cupping his flushed face.

"What's wrong, Padfoot? Having trouble with the birds?"

Sirius looked up in-between his fingers. Remus stood in front of him, two bottles of butterbeer in hand and a slight smile on his face.

"Basically," Sirius mumbled, leaning back in his chair. He ran a hand through his over-grown hair and motioned for his fellow Marauder to take a chair next to him. "And not just any bird, mind you. The head hen."

Remus slowly took a seat. "Phinny?"

"The one and only," Sirius nodded grimly. "Christ, how could I be such a _bastard_?"

"Do you really want me to answer that question, or keep it rhetorical?"

"Wank off, Lupin." As punishment for poking fun, Sirius stole a bottle of butterbeer from Remus's hand, opened it with utter relish, and took a go long drain out of it. "Where'd you fetch the butterbeer from? I thought they were only giving out punch."

"They are." Remus stretched out in his chair. "But James ran out to Hogsmeade under the secret passage and got us a stock load. Apparently, he doesn't trust you and your infatuation with spiking beverages."

"Jimmy's got brains," Sirius commented. "Of course, I'm not spiking anything tonight. I made a promise."

"That's never stopped you before."

"True," Sirius shrugged. He leaned forward a bit, just to hold the conversation between the two of them. "So, how are you holding out, Wolf-boy?"

Remus suddenly looked paler then ever. "It's great," he said. "Chandra and I are having a great time together. She and her friends are over with Lily right now, you know, girl talk. But I'm . . . I'm doing fine . . ."

Sirius took another swallow of butterbeer. "You lie," he said simply.

Remus looked at Sirius. "Right then," he said, leaning in slightly as well. "Physically, I feel like a pile of shit. I swear I'm going to vomit on someone.'

"Very descriptive," Sirius commented thoughtfully. "Continue."

"Mentally, I'm about ready to snap," Remus said. "I've been pulling Chandra around in back, hoping to God that I don't get caught by any of the professors." He took a quick glance at the Professors' table. "And then there's that little voice in the back of my head, telling me that I'd better get the hell out of here . . . now."

"Then tell the little voice to go sit on a pointy fence," Sirius said airily.

"Right, _that's_ real healthy." Remus sat back in his chair, a slight smile appearing on his pale face again. "Arguing with the voices inside my head. Go call St. Mungo's, quick."

Sirius shrugged. "If you insist," he replied. "I'll go shopping for a strait-jacket tomorrow. What are you? A medium or a large?"

"Er . . . don't know. Just, make sure that the sleeves are extra long," Remus chuckled.

"Oh, of course. That goes without saying," said Sirius, the spark back in his bright blue eyes. At this point Phiona Love had been completely forgotten; Sirius' mind rested on the subject now to fight another day.  "And then, James and I can put up padded walls in the dorm."

The two Marauders began to chuckle in spite of themselves. Sirius felt relieved that he could make Remus laugh, even at a time like this. He knew that his friend only had a few short hours left before he had to be locked up underneath the Whomping Willow, transforming into a man-eating beast. But, neither boy wanted to think about that now. It was a night to lose all responsibilities, which usually weighed them down, crushing their spirits. Of course, the realization of the real world soon came back to them in the form of a sallow-faced, hook-nosed, greasy-haired foe.

"Lupin? Don't you have some prior business to attend to? I'm not sure the Professors would like it if they found you here."

Sirius and Remus both turned around and got out of their chairs. Facing them was an easily recognizable Slytherin, his arms crossed and his lip curled into a cruel smile. Facing them was the boy known as Severus Snape.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
_  
(*PezMaster sighs*) Ah, yes . . . you knew ol' grease ball was going to be stuck in here somewhere. Actually, the only reason way I put him in was because of several (hundred) e-mails threatening me to put Snape in or they would come and set fire to my cat. Of course, I don't have a cat, so more points to them if they actually did it.   
I've also gotten several interesting e-mails from Phiona/Sirius fans. Oh my, Sirius does seem to have a crush, doesn't he? (*PezMaster laughs evilly*) Well, we'll see what develops in that relationship . . . . *gag* Oh God, what's happening to me? I'm starting to sound like a romance writer *gag* *vomit*  
Anyway, I've already got the next chapter written, I just have to type it up on the computer. Of course I might be persuaded to type faster . . . *cough* give me good reviews *cough* . . . .  
  
Well then, this is PezMaster signing off!  
Cheers!_


	6. 'Okay . . . Who Spiked the Punch?'

**_NEWLY REVISED!_**

**____**

_You know, first this story was going to be about James. Then it went through some of Sirius's  
and Remus's issues. Now, even I don't know what to think. (Actually, I am now thinking about  
that hot British guy on 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer', which I just started watching. Oh god, isn't he one big hunky piece of a vampire? *PezMaster starts to drool*) Anywho, thanks to all of those who been sending me lovely e-mails. . . they really make my day. Also, I must give an  
equally loud shout out to all of you who have been leaving reviews for me. (*PezMaster stands  
on her soap- box*) THANK YOU!!!!   
  
_

_Er . . . right then. I must warn you right now; this chapter gets a little crazy. I had to change quite a bit of it to stay within a PG rating. (*PezMaster bangs her head repetitively into the closes wall*) but, still, I like it. So then, on to the world of Marauders and my new obsession with spiking beverages. *cough* *sputter*  
  
_

_A/N: I have the extreme pleasure of owning Ms. Phiona T. Love. J.K. Rowling owns everything  
else, including the 5th Harry Potter book which I heard is coming out this spring. (*PezMaster  
does a little 'happy dance'*)  
_  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

**Party Animals**

_CHAPTER SIX:_

_'Okay . . . Who Spiked The Punch?'_

"I have no idea what you're talking about, Severus."

"Right. So go shove off and stuff your greasy head in a toilet, Snape."

Severus Snape smiled wickedly at  Sirius and Remus. Snape was aware enough to realize that there was a deep dark skeleton in the Marauders' collective closet. They were hiding something. Something dangerous . . . Something that destroy any chance of the Lions house winning the House Cup . . . Something that would certainly decimate the life of a useless Gryffindor. If only he could figure out what the senseless gits were hiding . . .

"Are you bloody _deaf_?" Sirius interrupted Snape's deep thoughts. "Leave before I turn your over-sized nose into a woodchuck."

Snape ignored Sirius's threat and glanced at Remus. There must have been something in the lighting that brought up a ghostly pale colour to Lupin's face. It made him look, Snape mused, like of the un-dead; a vampire or ghoul of some sort. Of course, maybe it wasn't just the lighting.

Maybe it was the full moon. 

"Feeling a bit off tonight, Lupin?" Snape prodded. "You look dreadful. You look . . . like you're hiding something."

Remus blinked, his heart beginning to pump adrenaline-spotted blood faster around his body. Standing in front of him was the worst-case scenario of his life. . . a Slytherin finding out that he was a werewolf. Remus would have to find a new school if Snape ever found out and told anyone; not that any other wizarding school but Hogwarts would dare to take him . . . 

"Come now, Lupin," Snape continued to pry. "I know you have some big secret. It would be much easier if you just told me."

Sirius, finally reaching his boiling point, pushed his way in between his friend and the Slytherin. He slowly slid his wand out of his front pocket, wanting very much to drive it through Snape's head. "Why don't you just go to hell instead, Snape?" Sirius growled through gritted teeth.

"I'll meet you there, Black." Snape also pulled out his wand.

"Ah, bugger! I leave you for a couple minutes and now you're threatening Slytherins for fun . . . without _me. Have I taught you nothing?"_

With a sudden swoop, Phiona Love seemed to pounce down on the little skirmish. Her eyes were gleaming again, a certain wildness about her appearance. She grabbed one look at Snape and took a wild shot in the dark of what was going on.

"Now, Severus," Phiona said, sounding as sincere as possible. Unfortunately, she was no great actress, so her sarcasm shown through like a monstrous beaker breaking dense fog. "Why don't you crawl back under that rock you came from? Eh?"

"You three can't intimidate me that easily," Snape retorted, though he seemed a little more reluctant, not like the odds ever since Phiona showed up. "You can't do anything to me in this crowd."

"Really?" asked Sirius, slowly cracking the knuckles of is right hand. "That's too bad. I reckon we'll just have an audience to watch as we rearrange your face." 

Snape knew what was going on. They were trying to protect Lupin. In fact, Lupin was being unusually quiet . . .

The Slytherin glanced over the shoulders of Phiona and Sirius and took a look at Remus Lupin. The Gryffindor had seemed to have tensed, his body going stiff and rigid. And his eyes . . . his eyes had become an unnatural yellow colour, glowing wickedly in the candlelight.

Snape started to back away in fear. He knew what yellow eyes meant on a full moon . . . It was all too obvious now. Finally, when he heard the thick, menacing growl coming from deep within Remus' throat, Snape snapped and suddenly bolted out of the Great Hall, knocking down several giddy Hufflepuffs who stood in his way.

Sirius and Phiona turned around slowly to see what had caused Snape be so frightened as to break the sound barrier when crossing the hall. Remus stood there, looking back at them with a blank look on his face.

"Er," Remus articulated slowly. "That was a bit odd, wasn't it?"

"Moony." Sirius' heart stopped briefly with fright. He couldn't help but gawk openly at his fellow Marauder and his illuminating irises. "Your . . . your _eyes."_

Remus was suddenly jolted with a burst of electricity as he finally realized what had happened. He began to rub his eyes furiously. "It's nothing . . . nothing," he mumbled. "I just got angry . . . I wolfed out."

"_I'll_ say you did," Phiona muttered. "To hell with you changing at midnight, mate. Sirius and I are going to get you out of here right now."

"_No_," Remus said sharply, taking his hands away from his eyes, which had turned back to their normal bright grey. "No. I'm fine now. In fact, I'm going to find Chandra. So, if you'll excuse me-"

Before Sirius or Phiona had anything else to say on the matter, Remus escaped into the crowd and quickly disappeared from sight.

"Oh bloody Christ, Sirius. Even I'll admit that this is going too far," Phiona mumbled, staring out at the dance floor. "We need to get that berk out of here, whether he likes it or not." 

"Right," Sirius agreed. "How are we going to weed him out of this lot, though?" He nodded towards the crowd before them. "And, if he doesn't want to go-"

"Don't worry about that now," said Phiona, turning to face Sirius. "Look, just . . . just drop one of these into the punch bowl." She took her friend's hand and placed a little velvet bag in it. "Only one. No more. We don't want to kill anyone." She closed Sirius's fingers over the bag for him. 

Not knowing if Phiona was joking or not, Sirius stared at his friend with interest. "Where are you going?" he asked.

"I'm not sprinting back and shacking up with my _'boyfriends', if that's what you're thinking, Black."_

Ouch. That one stung. 

"Phiona, don't –"

"I'm going to gather up the rest of the troops then go on a werewolf search party," Phiona interrupted quickly. "James and Peter both need to know what's going on. Now go . . . and keep a look out for Moony." Her dark eyes caught Sirius's. "If he starts to grow a tail, we're all chin-deep in shit."

Without so much as a comforting smile or friendly squeeze of the hand, Phiona quickly and made her way through the crowded dance floor. When the girl disappeared from sight, Sirius looked down at the velvet bag which had been placed in his hand. He opened it with a mix of uneasy fear and acute interest, finding a multitude of tiny pink pills. Wondering what on earth they did, not to mention why Phiona had them in her possession, Sirius held the little bag tight in his hand as he made his way over the refreshment table. 

Punch bowl in front of him, Sirius took a single pill out of Phiona's bag and dropped the mystery tablet into the punch. With a satisfying fizz, the pill disintegrated as soon as it hit liquid. The punch suddenly went from it's normal light orange to a bright pink. A slow smog began to bubble up.

"Ah, yes. I knew it would only be a matter of time until I met Mister Sirius Black by the punch bowl."

Sirius jumped with surprise. In the process, his hand slipped and the little velvet bag filled with the pink pills of doom dropped into the punch bowl with a sickening plop. Before his wide eyes, he watched helplessly as the pills and bag dissolved, turning the punch a threatening blood- red. Sirius said a sharp curse word to himself and his utter stupidity, then quickly turned around to face the person who had addressed him.

Head Master Albus Dumbledore stood in front of the Marauder, his pale blue eyes twinkling.

"Erm . . . Hello, Professor," Sirius said awkwardly, wishing he was a lot less lanky so that he could the punch in back of him. "Having . . . fun?"

"Most likely not as much as you are." Dumbledore's mouth twitched underneath his long, white beard. "Though, I did have a rather spirited conversation with Professor Pruge on the plural of the word platypus. What do you think? Is it platypi or platypuses?"

"Platypi . . . I think," Sirius answered slowly, wondering why on earth the Head Master of Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry would ever ask him something so obscure. 

"Yes, yes. You see, that is what I said," Dumbledore continued. "But Professor Pruge refuses to believe me. I'll have to ask someone else to get a forth opinion, won't I?" He glanced at the punch bowl ( To which several people had been serving out of )  and then back at Sirius. "Perhaps you friend, Remus Lupin? He always seems to be astute about these sort of things."

Sirius's insides twisted suddenly. Dumbledore knew Remus was at the ball . . .

"He's not here," Sirius lied quickly, hoping to God that Dumbledore would believe him. "Said he wasn't feeling well and went down to the hospital wing."

"Is that so?" Dumbledore looked not the least beguiled; he didn't buy a word Sirius had said. "Well then, give him my regards when you see him next. And, by the way, Sirius," the Head Master leaned in so that only the Marauder could hear. "If you wish to spike the beverages, do it much more furtively. It's much more amusing that way."

Sirius nodded. (_Spike the punch? Had he spiked the punch? . . . Or just poison it? What were in those pills Phiona had given him_?) 

Without another word, Dumbledore gave Sirius a mysterious wink and made his way back towards the Professors' table in the front of the room.

The whole plan was falling apart. Snape knew, Dumbledore knew, Remus had disappeared, and the punch (which suddenly seemed a lot more empty) was seemingly undrinkable. Phiona was right, all of them were chin-deep in crap. . .

Feeling that sense of acute nervousness bubble up inside him again, Sirius bolted around the room. He was desperate to find a fellow Marauder . . . any Marauder . . . even Peter would do . . .

At a small round table, farthest away from the blaring band, Sirius found James, Lily, Peter, and Jazlen. All of them looked like they were on top of the world. Untouchable Gods and Goddesses with smiles on their faces and full cups of the blood-red punch in their hands.

"Hey, Pads," James said with an abnormally large smirk. "Where have you been all night? Don't tell me you've been stealing dates again-" 

"Can I talk to you two?" Sirius said through gritted teeth, looking at his fellow Marauders.

"Er . . . yeah, sure. Just hold o-"

"_Now_ please," Sirius pressed. He took James and Peter by the arms, pulling them away from their bemused dates and into the crowd. 

"What's going on, Sirius?" James asked when they stopped at the far wall, a concerned look glazing over his smile.

Sirius took a deep breath and started: "Snape got a big clue about the _'little secret'  -_ - Moony wolfed out on us but he refused to leave - - Dumbledore knows that Remus is here - - Phiona's on a wild werewolf hunt by herself - - and please don't drink that."

Peter was in the process of taking a drink out of his cup of punch, but preformed a huge spit-take when he caught Sirius's warning.

"Why . . . why not?" Peter sputtered.

"I think I spiked it."

"Oh, _Christ._" James rolled his eyes "Sirius, I thought I told you not to-" 

"Phin told me to put one of these little pink pill things in it," Sirius explained quickly. "But my hand slipped and all of them spilt in. Don't know what kind of effect that's going to have on it."

"Oh, that's just corking." James rubbed the side of his face, a little trademark quark he preformed when extremely frustrated. "Remus is gone and Sirius spiked the punch. Simply _spiffing."_

"We don't know if it's actually _spiked," Peter pointed out. "Maybe the pills were just-"_

Quite suddenly a seventh year boy, of whom Sirius instantly recognize as the Ravenclaw Quidditch captain who had been hovering over Phiona all night, stood up on top of a table, looking very tipsy. He waved his arms around, catching all the attention he could muster, and then burst out singing _'God Save The Queen' at the top of his lungs. It was not long before several more people joined him, belting out the lyrics to which they only seemed to remember half of. Soon, almost all of Hogwarts was singing, though many were creating their own renditions of the song which consisted mostly of drunken babble.  _

"Well, I guess that answers almost all of our questions," Sirius said as a little Hufflepuff third year came waddling past them, pretending she was a rabid penguin. "God, those pills were effective. Remind me to ask Phin where she got them."

"All it did was buy us some time," said James, over the sound of someone eloquently burping the ABCs in the background. "Now that basically everyone is blitzed out of their bloody minds, we can look for Remus without anyone tagging along."

 "Let's just hope that he didn't drink any of that punch," said Peter. "I really don't want to find out what a tanked werewolf is like."

In order to cover more area in a less amount of time, the three Marauders decided to split up in order to Remus before he transformed. This, however, turned out to be a harder task then first thought; it seemed as though everyone had somehow been effected by the tainted punch. Sirius ran into a group of people who thought they were pirates, someone who was trying to nail some green jell-o to a wall, and the Astronomy teacher, Professor Rosenkranz, who was talking fluently to a table cloth. It was not long before Sirius met up with James again, who looked even more flustered then his fellow Marauder.

"The Rabid Penguin Girl _bit me," James muttered, holding up his arm so that his friend could clearly see the wound. "Knowing my wonderful luck, I'll probably end up with rabies." _

"Wouldn't be the first time," Sirius mumbled off-handily, not even bothering to glance at the red mark on James's arm. "Have you seen any sign of Phiona or Remus?"

"No. Not at-"

There suddenly came a large explosion at the far corner of the Great Hall. No one but James and Sirius seemed to notice bright red sparks which had been admitted from someone's wand. No one but the Marauders seemed to hear or acknowledge the loud, blood-curdling scream as it echoed around the hall, barely over the booming music of the band.

"Oh God," Sirius muttered, instantly recognizing the bone-chilling cry for help. "_Phiona."_

Something twisted in Sirius's stomach as he and James ran towards the far corner of the room, bowling over everyone in their path. It was all his fault . . . _he_ had urged Remus to go to the ball on a full moon . . . _he was the one who ignored his responsibilities as a friend . . .and it was he (a great wave of nausea pelted over Sirius) who would be responsible if any harm came to Phiona Love. _

When the two Marauders got to the corner, their worst fears had become reality. Remus was there - no . . . _not Remus. It was a murderous, yellow-eyed horror which had replaced Remus. A blood-thirsty werewolf, which had once been a calm, fun-loving Gryffindor sixth year, had its quarry cornered. The prey stood rigidly against the wall; her dark eyes brimming with fear, her once beautiful aquamarine robes torn and stained with blood, her wand fallen to one side out of her reach This victim, this prey, was the once brave and exuberant Phiona Love, now seconds away from a violent and unspeakable death._

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
  
_(*a la Kosmo Kramer:*) Woah Nelly . . . What happened there? (*PezMaster re-reads her story  
then glances at the theme*) Comedy? Drama? Romance? What the hell is this thing? Ah, Jeez . .  
. I've created a monster. . . . I hope you guys don't mind. I actually liked how this chapter came  
out (though I had to leave out a bit more of the Snape-bashing then I wanted to.) This turn of  
events should make for a very interesting seventh chapter. All have to do is . . . . *cringe*  
*grimace* . . . write it. Sorry to leave you hanging like this. I'll put the next chapter up as fast as  
humanly possible. Until then please, for the love of Sirius Lee Black in a towel, review for me!  
Thanks!  
Cheers and Rabid Penguins for all! (MUHAHAHAH!)  
From, PezMaster   
(*Who now drifts off dreaming about that hot British vampire *drool* Er . . .What's his name?*)_


	7. The Wolf, The Dog, The Stag, And The Rat

**_NEWLY REVISED!_**

**__**

_Wow . . . I had to absolutely kill myself to get the right feeling into this chapter. I had to read some of my favourite Dean Koontz and Stephen King novels over and over again so that I could adopt the right writing style. After all of it, though, I must admit I rather like writing horror/drama/etc. The whole feel of it is great. Er . . . . yes . . . . well . . . .  
  
Anyway, back to the real world. This chapter kind of confused my editors (aka: my good friends who have no life) because it switched to Phiona's point of view before Remus changes into the werewolf. So, for those of you who are a bit slow (Like I am), let me break it down for you: During the start of this chapter, the Marauders have just spilt up to find Remus. James and Sirius find each other (As seen in the last chapter) and start reminiscing about rabies shots. While this is going on, Phiona meets up with Peter. And that is where the story begins:  
  
A/N: No, I do not make claim to any of J.K. Rowling's characters. Yes, Phiona T. Love is a figment of MY OWN vast imagination. No, I don't really have any rabid penguins in the world doing my evil biding (yet). And, Yes, I have tried nailing jell-o to a wall.  
  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*_

* * * * * * * * * *

**Party Animals**

_CHAPTER SEVEN:_

_'The Wolf, the Dog, the Stag, and the Rat'_

Minutes before Remus had transformed into his beastly state, Phiona Love finally caught sight of Peter nervously scurrying around the crowd of intoxicated Hogwartians. She roughly grabbed the Marauder by the neck of his dress robes, causing the boy to squeal with sudden fright.

"Oh, it's you." Peter breathed a sigh of relief as he realized who his capture was. "I thought you were Remus."

"I'm not nearly hairy enough to be Remus. And I don't have a tail," Phiona retorted dully. "Let's go. We need to find Mooney before he decides to pick out a midnight snack from the crowd."

"Oh _God_," Peter moaned in fear as Phiona pulled him past a group of Hufflepuffs who had taken up singing _'One thousand bottles of butterbeer on the wall.'_ "Those pills you gave Sirius must have been pretty strong."

"Not particularly," the frizzy-haired witch replied as she tried to stare through the crowded and chaotic dance floor, desperate to find any sign of the young werewolf. "One pill just wipes everyone's memory clean. No one will remember tonight if they tried. Sirius just put too many in, that unbelievable knob. He doesn't realize how much those things cost-"

Phiona's grand speech about Sirius Black and his overwhelming stupidity got cut short by Peter, who had begun to tug on her sleeve, pointing a shaky hand towards the back corner of the Great Hall.

"There he is," Peter said slowly, his voice barely above a whisper. "Er . . . Why don't _you_ talk to him first? I don't think he ate anything tonight."

Phiona rolled her eyes irritably. "You're a useless little coward, Peter. It's just _Remus_, for God's sake."

"It's not Remus I'm scared of." Peter's face went extremely pale. "It's the fact that he could bite my head off every time there's a full moon . . . _That's_ what scares me." 

"Bloody coward," Phiona repeated as she shook her head in complete revulsion. "Fine then. Wait here and _I'll go get him."_

Peter gladly stayed back, ringing his hands nervously as he watched Phiona walk into the far off shadows. "We're not going to make it . . ." he mumbled to himself, glancing at the full moon which now shown brightly through one of the windows. "We're not going to make it . . . Not going to make it . . . We're all going to _die_ . . ."

Leaving Peter to drown himself in his own flooding fear, Phiona quickly made her way through the thickening crowd, finally coming to within reach of Remus. The Marauder was all by himself, whiter then the full moon itself, sitting at a table in which all the candles had burnt out. Without the much needed candlelight, darkness cast a wicked shadow over his face.

"Hullo, Moony," Phiona said softly, sliding into a chair next to Remus. "Why don't I take you out of here to go visit your tree?"

Remus said nothing. He sat there, motionless, staring at one of the smouldering candles.

"Let's go Remus," Phiona said, a little more forcefully this time. "Before you turn into a real live party animal."

Remus did not even acknowledge his friend's presence. He was transfixed, almost enthralled with the white candle which lay before him. The shadow in front of his face slowly seemed to darken. 

"_Lupin_." Phiona's voice grew hard, finally getting fed up. "Let's _go. You're over your time limit, mate."_

Fully frustrated, Phiona's short line of temper snapped. She gave Remus a sharp shove, trying to gain some much needed attention. The jostle did break Remus away from his dream world; this was, however, not a step towards the better. As her friend spun around, Phiona locked glances with him. Remus's eyes were no longer their normal bright grey . . . they were now a fiery yellow, glowing unnaturally in the dark.

"Oh sweet _Jehovah." Phiona swore briskly, stumbling out of her chair in sudden fright. Her heart began to beat faster, pounding frantically against her chest._

Remus's body went rigid as he rose slowly out of his chair. A thick, menacing growl echoed from the depths of his throat. He began to advance on the witch, carrying a ruthless look in his monstrous eyes.

"Remus . . . Remus it's _me, Phiona Love." She was quickly getting backed into the corner; it would only be a matter of time until she would be hopelessly trapped. "You know, good ol' Phinny? I put that skunk in the boys' locker room last week, remember? I'm the one who put that farting hex on you last year. Oh God, please say you remember . . ."_

Thick, grey hair began to sprout out over Remus's stiff body. His teeth began to grow to a preternaturally long length. And those eyes . . . those yellow, demon-like eyes . . . 

"Okay, maybe the farting hex wasn't the best thing to mention in this situation," Phiona mumbled, looking around for anyone to help her. Not one Hogwartian had noticed that Remus was in the process of transforming. And Peter . . . well, dear Peteykinns was probably long gone by now, saving his own skin. Oh yes, Phiona would remember Peter's desertion . . . She now sees Pettigrew for what he really is . . . 

But none of that mattered now. She first had to deal with the ever-changing Remus Lupin before she could go off and disembowel Peter Pettigrew for deserting her.  

Seeing no other options, Phiona took out her wand, ready to defend herself. "Okay, mate," she snarled, holding her wand in front of her like a protective sword. "You and me . . . You're furry little arse is mine, Moony . . ." 

Before Phiona had any chance to throw a hex at him, Remus let out something which sounded horribly like the combination of a human's yell and an animal's howl. He leapt forward, knocking the wand from Phiona's sweaty hands. It made a loud explosion, sending up red sparks as it landed on the ground . . . out of her reach. She was defenceless now . . . No wand . . . No tricks up her sleeve this time . . . So, as her final resort, Phiona did the last possible thing she could think of:

She screamed, hoping to God that some sober person would hear her cry. . . .

The werewolf bellowed. In a fit of rage, he swung an arm as dense as a wooden-beam, hoping to finally silence its screeching prey. The arm and claws connected with Phiona with the power of a wrecking ball. Before she realized it, the Gryffindor seventh year witch found herself flying through the air. Then, with a sickening thud, her body smashed into the corner of two hard limestone walls.

Phiona teetered on the brink of unconscious. Something stung in her eyes; her head felt as though it had been spilt in two; she tasted the nauseating rusty flavour of her own blood. The werewolf had fully transformed now, not a scrap of Remus Lupin left in it. Dropping down on all fours, a snarl crossed the beast's muzzle. Phiona wanted to run but the feeling in her legs had left her along time ago. The monster in front of her became unclear, her eyes sliding in and out of focus.

_'This is it,_' she thought. _'This is how it's all going to end . . . Life just played the ultimate prank on you, Phiona Love, and you fell for it like a fucking amateur . .'_

_'Well then,' _retorted a little voice in the back of her spinning mind_, "if I have to go out, I'm going out fighting.'_

Using every scrap of her failing energy, Phiona struggled to stay awake, ready to do what she could to defend herself. The werewolf crouched down for that final, lethal leap. The moment before claws and teeth struck flesh, a loud bark sounded from across the hall. An enormous bear-like dog bounded forward, its teeth bared fiercely. As the werewolf wrenched itself to the side to face the new enemy, the dog seized it about the neck and pulled it backward, away from Phiona. They were soon locked, jaw to jaw, claws ripping mercilessly at each other.

Phiona used the last of her strength to get back on her feet. She reached out blindly, looking for something to support her, and touched some large and furry object. Looking up, her eyes sliding out of focus again, Phiona could hardly make out the outline of a great stag which stood before her.

She gave it a week smile. "I think Padfoot needs your help more then I do, honey."

The stag looked back at her with its large, black eyes.

"I'm _fine_. A little bloodied up, but nothing a few bandages couldn't fix," Phiona said softly, as if she was reading the animals mind. "Please Prongs . . . just get Moony out of here and, for the love of God, don't get anyone killed."

Rearing its head back, the stag snorted in high agreement and trotted off towards the noises of the fighting dog and werewolf. Phiona felt something little trip over one of her feet. She looked down to see a fat rat madly scurrying after the stag, desperate not to get stepped on.

Phiona suddenly felt quite light-headed. _'Ha,' she thought to herself as the sense of balance swiftly began to drain out of her.__ 'Good old Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs . . . Hogwarts' **real party animals . . .'**_

Finally letting go of the last bit of conscience she was clinging to, the witch collapsed, her head hitting the floor as her world went black.

* * * * * * * * * *

Needless to say, the stag had a hard time leaving his friend lying in the corner of the hall. She could have fatally wounded. Or dead. The stag, however, could not afford to fret about the condition of Phiona Love at this point. She would be fine. He needed to help finish what he had started. Making its way to the other edge of the hall, the large stag was relieved to find the black dog was holding its own, pinning the werewolf down roughly by the neck.

_{Let's get Moony out of here.}_

_{I agree one hundred percent, Prongsey. Do you have Wormtail?}_

_{I'm down here. You almost stepped on me!}_

_{Er . . . Sorry 'bout that, mate.}_

The stag threw its head back impatiently. _{Let's go, Padfoot. Time get the hell out of this bloody death trap.}_

_{Load 'em up and head 'em out,}_ The black dog barked in agreement. It then snapped at the werewolf's heals, herding the monster forward.

Several drunken students pointed and laughed hysterically as the werewolf, with the dog and stag on either side of it, raced towards the door, the rat leading the way. In a desperate attempt to get out of there as soon as possible, the four animals ploughed through an alternate route; instead of taking the chance of cutting though the crowded dance floor, they bolted across the tables, knocking over everything in their way. As the dog ran across the refreshment table, it went out of its way to knock over the tainted punch. The crystal beverage bowl hit the floor, shattering into millions of pieces and flooding the dance floor with sticky, blood red punch. The dog let out a howl of triumph as it leapt off the table to join its fellow animals at the front of the Great Hall. At the doors, a frustrated werewolf let out a disgruntled growl. The stag pawed at the ground, giving its vicious companion to keep its temper in check. Scurrying around the floor, the small rat began to screech with utter anxiety.  

_{Er . . .  how are we going to get through the door?}_

The dog glanced at the stag, its lolling tongue hanging out the side of its mouth. _{Wormtail's got a point. I don't know about you, mate, but I'm in serious lack of opposable thumbs.}_

The werewolf snarled. It was quite tired of being cooped up inside.

_{We're working on it, Moony. Christ, keep your tail on.}_ The dog then shot another meaningful look at the stag. _{Well, Prongs, I guess this is where your thick head comes into play.}_

_{Excuse me?}_

The rat squeaked furiously. _{Oh, for heaven's sake, just ram the door! Moony's starting to look hungry.} _

_{Mmmmm . . . rat-kabob . . .}_

_{Shut up, Padfoot!}_

The stag narrowed its huge eyes at its animal companions. _{Right then. Back up, I'll take a run at the door.}_

The dog took the werewolf by the scruff of the neck and pulled it out of the way as the stag took a few steps backwards. With a loud snort, the stag ran full speed towards the door, its head lowered so that its antlers would take the full impact. The door splintered and swung open, letting the outdoors burst through the Great Hall. At first, the entire Hogwartian persona just simply stood there, gawking openly at the four animals and the gaping entrance. Then, in a great coordinated wave, the people of the Great Hall broke out in drunken applause. 

_{Wow, Prongs. I didn't know you had such a thick head.}_

_{Comment while you can, Pads. Comment while you can . . .}_

The dog nipped at the werewolf's heels again, making it run out the gaping doors. The two canines were followed closely by the stag and, finally, the rat. As soon as the animals bolted out of the door, the Hogwartians quickly forgot about the deed and went back to signing _'One thousand bottles of butterbeer on the wall', ignoring the fact that a rat, a dog, and a stag had just rushed a man-eating werewolf out of the castle._

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
_(*PezMaster does a little happy dance*) Woohoo! Seven chapters down, one more to go! It's amazing how much I put into this once harmless little piece of fan fiction . . . It just kept growing and growing and growing . . . Well then, since I worked so hard on this, it seems only proper that each and everyone one of you review. (There's that magical word again: R - E - V - I - E - W. ) You don't know how much I appreciate it! I also love e-mails on Phiona, who I always enjoy discussing with fellow authors. Oh and speaking of Phinny, I must let you all know that she will make a special cameo appearance in QuizzicalSphinx's 'Murder Amongst Marauders' *cough* shameless plug *cough*. I let her borrow Phin for the story, which, I must tell you, is one of my favourites. So, please check Quzzy's story, look for Phinny appearing soon, and tell her that PezMaster sent you!  
  
The next (and last) Party Animals chapter will be up as quick as possible! Keep Reading and Reviewing!  
  
A/N: Can the Marauders speak to each other in animal form? Well, I hope you dealt with it well during this chapter. The idea of thought speak, using '{}' instead of quotations came from the 'Animorph' series, which were one of my favourite books growing up. ( Marco . . . *cough* *sputter*).___


	8. All's Well That Ends Well

**Title:** Party Animals (08)  
**Author name:** PezMaster  
**Author email:** cshrumm@yahoo.com  
**Category:** Humor  
**Sub Category:** Action/Adventure  
**Keywords:** Marauders Sirius Remus Phiona Hallowe'en  
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Spoilers:** SS/PS, CoS, PoA, GoF, My own work on Schnoogle, 'Harry Potter and the Gem of Grogonous'. (Check it out)  
**Summary:** Our climatic story finally draws to a close after an eventful Hallowe'en ball. Will Sirius finally reveal his inner-amorous Marauder? Will James get his companions out of the Great Hall without facing certain doom? Will Remus lose complete control of his lycanthropic form? Will our dear sweet Phiona get out of the ball . . . alive? These questions and more will hopefully be answered during the last chapter of 'Party Animals'. So what are you waiting for? Get partying!  
**DISCLAIMER:** This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended. I own Phiona and her exploding pineapples. Kapeach? Beautiful.  
**Author notes:** Huzzah! Look at me! Stamp a steal on this piece because this little berk is done. I'd love to thank: my dear Annoying One, who shall always be one author I hold high. The SIDL, who gives melodramatic Sirius fans a last hope. And, finally, to my Tito, who shall make me laugh and smile forever(Badger). Now then, what are you lot waiting for? Read, laugh your arse off, and review!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

* * * * * * * * * *

**Party Animals**

_CHAPTER EIGHT:_

_'All's Well That Ends Well'_

Everything in Phiona's world had shifted into a deep shade of black. She lay there, in the far corner of the Great Hall, not even looked twice upon by any of the tanked partygoers. The pain was almost too unbearable; the effect of being thrown into a wall had finally caught up with her with complete vengeance.

Quite suddenly, Phiona felt herself being lifted off the hard ground.

_'Oh, this is it,_' a small voice in the very back of her mind moaned. _'I must really be dying . . . Ah, shit. . .'_

Phiona squinted, trying to force her lens to focus on the Angel of Death who was so swiftly carrying her on to her final resting place.

Wait a moment . . . Since when did the Angel of Death smell like sweaty boy and cheep cologne?

"_Sirius_?"

"Hullo, Phinny. I thought you could use some fresh air."

A very worn-out Sirius Black slowly sat Phiona down on one the park benches outside in the rose garden. He took a seat besides her and leaned back, eager to relax a bit.

"Wait - _Remus_!" Phiona slowly became fully aware of her surrounding for the first time. "We've got to - He's still -"

"The werewolf is happily snoozing under the willow as we speak," answered Sirius calmly.

"What about James? And Peter?"

"Everyone's fine. No one got decapitated while you were sleeping on the job. I promise."

"Oh, thank _God_." Phiona exhaled deeply. To Sirius's surprise, she let her head drop onto his shoulder, leaning comfortably on him as if he was a pillow. "Thank God this whole thing is over."

"How about everyone in there?" Sirius nodded towards the castle and the Great Hall. "That punch wasn't really poisonous, was it?"

"No, of course not. I would never let you loose with anything deadly." Phiona closed her tired eyes, feeling extremely comfortable on her friend's shoulder. "They'll just all have hang-overs from hell tomorrow. They won't remember anything."

"Maybe we should drop Remus one of those pills, too," suggested Sirius, closing his eyes as well. "He wouldn't like to have tonight's events on his conscience. You know Remus, he's quite neurotic about those things."

"I have one more bag in my trunk," said Phiona. "We'll give him one in the morning. Right now, I just want to toss off to bed. Remind me never to pick a fight with Moony again. That little berk plays dirty."

Sirius and Phiona went silent for a while. The cold air flowed softly, coursing several bushes besides them. If it wasn't for the lycanthropic fiasco, Sirius would have been glad that the night carried a full moon with it. This very lunar phase carried a certain mystic quality about it, giving Sirius a brief chill of excitement. As an extra bonus, Phiona was with him and (for one brisk moment) they weren't ruthlessly bickering with each other. This was one of the best moments of Sirius's life; it even topped the peanut butter incident in the girls' loo.

The Marauder glanced down to his right, taking in the full sight of the wiry witch besides him. There was something about Phiona Love . . . Mind you, she was completely off her onion, but there was still something wonderfully _different_. None of the girls Sirius had sifted through had the brilliance and luminosity that Phiona radiated tonight. Sirius would never find someone remotely close to his Phinny.

The blue-eyed Marauder suddenly realized why he had been so jealous of the boys who had been hanging on Phiona all night. She was his. _His_ Phinny.

"_My Phinny_," he murmured under his breath. It took him a minute to realize that he rather liked the sound of it, so he said it once more.

"Mmm?" Phiona stirred, opening her dark eyes to face her companion.

A brief fit of guilt washed over Sirius, causing his ears and cheeks to burn a soft red. Good thing it was dark out. "Phiona, I've got a bit of apologizing to do."

"Apologize away. And don't call me _Phiona_. You make it sound like I'm dying."

"Phin, I'm sorry for being such an arse." Sirius's eyes skirted away from his companion. "You know, taking the Remus thing too far. I was a bastard."

"Arse. Bastard. Kapesh. Anything else?"

"Er . . . no."

"Good. Apology accepted." Phiona seemed utterly bored, but her tone had softened incredibly. The apology, Sirius knew, was quite accepted. "Now that that's done, I've got to get something off my chest. Ready for this one, Sirius?"

"Don't call me _Sirius_," the blue-eyed Marauder mocked. "I'm not dying."

Phiona, frighteningly, did not choose to retort. "Padfoot?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for saving me tonight."

That was unexpected . . .

Sirius turned to Phiona in surprise. Her hair was frizzy again, no longer neat and smoothed down. Blood caked around her forehead, making it look like someone had covered her face with a sick, red icing. But, to Sirius, Phiona Love still had something hauntingly beautiful about her.

"Well . . . it was nothing, really," Sirius mumbled uncomfortably.

"Honey," Phiona smiled slightly. "If you and James hadn't come around, I would be werewolf tucker by now."

Sirius winced, not liking to think that his friend was that close to a horrible death. "Phiona I . . . Oh, what did you expect me to do? Bolt the other way?"

"Like Peter," Phiona muttered darkly. "That little piker."

"What?"

Phiona shook her head, as if nothing was amiss. "Forget it, Sirius. It was probably a big misunderstanding, or something."

" . . . or something . . ." Sirius repeated, not really listening to what his friend was saying.

Phiona suddenly threw her head back and laughed out loud, causing her frizzy hair to flow back over her shoulders. Moonlight flowed across her face, giving back her wild appearance. "Well, come on then." She got up off the bench, grimacing slightly as she put weight on her left leg. "We better go check on Lily and the rest. If any one of them starts yodelling, I'll disembowel myself with a plastic spoon."

With a slight limp, Phiona started to make her way back to the castle. She made it about seven paces before letting out a soft gasp of pain. The frizzy-haired witch dropped to the ground, landing with a soft thud and several curse words into a rose bush.

"Jeez, Phinny." Sirius jumped to his friend's aid and pulled her out from the shrubbery. "Maybe we should get you to the hospital wing. You must have hit that wall harder then I thought."

"Stop mothering me, Black," Phiona grunted as Sirius pulled her up. "It's only a bit of a bruise. Nothing to mope over." As if wanting to prove her point she put weight on her bad leg once more. A deep grimace of pain spread over Phiona's face and she quickly collapsed back into the rose bushes.

Sirius stood over Phiona, a slight smile of triumph crossing his lips. "Only a bit of a bruise, eh?"

"Wank off," Phiona retorted and, with her good leg, then proceeded to swiftly kick Sirius in the shin.

The Marauder's knee gave out as a hot pain spidered through his leg. After spitting out a string of rude comments directed exclusively at Phiona's mother, Sirius gave into the pain and collapsed into the bush besides his companion.

"That bloody _hurt_."

"You utterly deserved it, my dear," Phiona replied airily.

"And why is that?"

"That's the price for mocking me."

"Really?" Sirius arched an eyebrow.

"Well, actually, _you_ had to pay more."

"And why is that?"

"You're a heartless bastard," Phiona promptly answered.

"Thank you, Phin. '_Heartless'_ is a little strong, though. I prefer '_egotistical'_. I'll even go with '_wanking'_."

A small smile worked its way across Phiona's face. "Damn you, Black."

"What is it this time?"

"You always suck the fun out of mocking you."

"It's a curse."

"You ruin everything."

Sirius shrugged. "Sorry."

"Ah, well, you didn't ruin _everything_," Phiona put her hands behind her head, concentrating hard on the heavens above. "At least you can see the stars tonight . . . and that moon . . . beautiful, that is."

"Beautiful . . ."

Sirius watched Phiona carefully, her chest slowly rising and falling with each breath. Dried blood speckled her face, giving her dark crimson freckles which picked up and reflected the moonlight. Of course, to Sirius, everything about Phiona was illuminating - from her wild main of hair to her dark eyes. Swallowing a lump that was forming at the back of his throat, Sirius propped himself up on his elbow, looking down at Phiona Love with soft blue eyes. Maybe the feeling of his stomach twisting with nausea was the after-effects of that night's events. Maybe the strain had finally gotten to him. Maybe he was just exhausted . . . or maybe . . . . maybe it was something else . . .

Or _someone_ else . . .

Phiona suddenly tore her eyes away from the stars and let them connect with Sirius's. "Happy Hallowe'en, Padfoot," she whispered.

"Happy Hallowe'en, Phinny."

Sirius was hit with one of the worst male impulses known to man. He was ready to take the final leap and kiss the frizzy-haired witch, never mind the death-sentence he would then place on his head. In his fantasy world, she would return the emotion. However, this was the real world and, in the real world, he would be lucky to only receive a black eye or a broken nose.

Testosterone, unfortunately, blinded both his conscience and judgement. Sirius began to lean forward . . . .

"--You've got to come see this! Someone strung Snape up by his pants and now they're using him as a human piñata!"

James Potter had come running out of the castle, bolting towards Sirius and Phiona. He had a bulbous bruise on his forehead from where he had hit the door when he rammed it open during his brief exit as a stag. Sirius hoped it hurt. A lot.

"Come _on_ you two," he ordered excitedly. "Brinker Hadley and Tom Benecke are trying to knock the bloody kippers out of that slime ball and I . . . er . . ." he paused, looking from Phiona to Sirius. "Did I interrupt something?"

"Not at all," Phiona said quickly, almost sounding cheerful. "I tripped and then kicked Sirius in the shin."

"We were just noticing," Sirius continued with a glare, "how _beautiful_ the stars were tonight."

"Right then," James said slowly, apparently not picking up the hint Sirius was so desperately trying to past him. He then grabbed Phiona by the arm. "Come on, Phinny. Three Galleons if you can hit Snape in the head with the Beater's club."

Phiona smirked, not even giving the amorous Sirius Black a second look. "You're on, Jimmy."

James practically dragged the limping Phiona back inside the castle and into the Great Hall, leaving Sirius leaning on one elbow alone in the bushes. His mind was spinning franticly out of control. What had just happened? Why on earth did he have the sudden desire to snog Phiona?

It was well known around the school that Sirius Black could have any girl at Hogwarts. He just happened to want the one that was unattainable.

* * * * * * * * *

"So it's a black ink cuppa, right?"

"We could add a little laxative in there, too. She deserves an extra surprise."

"Oh, Sirius, would you give Professor Gemar a break?"

"He can't, Peter. Sirius's goal in life is to fix that old bat's wagon and then push it down a steep hill with her in it."

"Well put, Moony. I do love the sound of that."

It was early November and the Hogwartian grounds had experienced its first snow fall of the season. This sudden change in the weather meant a new level of chaos inside the castle. Many people were trying to burn off their extra energy from staying inside all day by turning towards the Marauder's approach on life. Almost every hour, something was either spontaneously combusting or turning into big piles of dragon dung. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs, however, found this new competition to be quite invigorating.

"But how are we going to sneak into Professor Gemar's office?" Peter asked his friends, taking a seat at the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall, which was, at that time, completely empty.

"Er . . . Peter's got a point." Remus glanced at James and Sirius. "That woman never leaves her classroom."

James shrugged, chewing on the end of the sugar quill he was holding in deep thought. "A well placed rhinoceros or elephant might do the trick nicely."

"Toss off, Prongs." Sirius leaned back in his seat, shaking his head. "Why on earth would you conjure up a couple of bloody giants when you could just give me the keys to the girls' lavatories, a jar of peanut butter, fifteen minutes, and I can-"

"Why do you obsess over that disgusting stuff?" Remus gave a slight grimace. "You've only had one jar, and even that one you had to skive off of a tourist from the Old Colonies. Why don't you stick to something simple, Sirius? Like marmalade?"

"The birds don't look as good covered in marmalade. Now, as for peanut butter . . . that's some tasty--"

As Remus cut off Sirius by delivering a swift smack up-side the head, Peter spoke up. "Why don't we just slip Professor Gemar some of Phiona's little pink pills?" he suggested. "They would- OWF!"

Sirius and James both threw an elbow at Peter simultaneously, making the smaller boy squeak in pain. The Hallowe'en ball, Remus's werewolf incident, and the little pink pills had never been purposely forgotten until moment. Only James, Sirius, Peter, and Phiona could recall what had happened the night of the ball; the rest of the Hogwartian personae had their minds wiped clean from the 'spiked' punch. Even Remus, who had been slipped one of Phiona's contraband pills, had no recollection of that night in which he had almost ripped apart one of his good friends.

"What's Peter going on about this time?" Remus raised a suspicious eyebrow.

"_Nothing_," the rest of the Marauders sputtered at once.

Before Remus had a chance to pry further, the bell echoed along the hall, signalling the start of classes. As if trained by Pavlov himself, James grabbed his pack and jumped out of his seat.

"Well then, let's finish this off in the common room tonight," he said quickly. "I've got to walk Lily to Herbology now."

A loud, fake cough, which sounded distinctly like the word _'whipped',_ came from the general direction of a scoffing Sirius Black. In retaliation, James smacked the blue-eyed Marauder up side the head then walked off towards the entrance hall.

"Ah . . . that man never changes," Sirius commented airily, rubbing the back of his head where a bruise was already forming.

Remus smiled, also getting out of his seat. "Well, come on then, Peter. We've got Astronomy up in the tower."

"Oh, I'm glad I dropped that wonky class last year." Sirius winced. "If Professor Rosenkranz had told me to find the ring pattern of Uranus one more time I would have gone stark raving mad."

"Sorry to break it to you, Padfoot," Remus shrugged, "but you've already surpassed the 'stark raving mad level' and are swiftly travelling into the 'psychotic bastard' limbo."

Sirius heaved a golden goblet at Remus and missed, giving the other two Marauders a chance to escape the Great Hall bruise-free. Exhaling deeply, Sirius gathered his own Transfiguration supplies and started down the hall, past the tables of the Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws. Far off he heard a loud explosion, followed by several clucking noises coming from the Entrance Hall.

Sirius snorted thickly. _'Ha, turning people into chickens,' _he thought to himself. _'Bloody amateurs . . . they taint everything the prankster name stands for.'_

As Sirius drifted off in deep thought, he casually glanced up at the far wall where the four house banners hung proudly. The Slytherin's, with a green and silver serpent slithering across the fabric, flickered in the cold draft moving through the castle. It was waving at Sirius, as if seductively inviting the Marauder to do something horrible to it. Sirius, gleefully excepting the invitation, took out his wand and twiddled it in-between his thumb and forefinger.

"I better set an example for all those novices out there . . ." Sirius mumbled to himself as he pointed his wand at the green and silver Slytherin banner. "_Expellimellius_."

The banner suddenly burst into bright red flames. As great plumes of smoke poured off the Slytherin's emblem, Sirius stepped back to admire his handy-work, smirking triumphantly.

"Yet again, Mister Black, we must meet under such circumstances. Trying to break Miss Phiona Love's record for most detentions in one week, I see."

Sirius jerked his head back from the aflamed pennant. There, once again, was Head Master Albus Dumbledore, a thin smile plastered on his lips.

"Er . . . no sir, Professor," said Sirius truthfully, "but, if I did, it would be an extra bonus for me."

Dumbledore chuckled lightly. "That it would, Sirius. That it would." The Head Master cleared his throat. "Now then, I better put this fire out before you're officially labelled a pyromaniac." With a swift flick of his wand, a shrill wind blew through the Great Hall, extinguishing the fire. What was left of the Slytherin banner was black and smouldering, hardly recognisable.

"I suppose I'll have to take five points away from Gryffindor," Dumbledore said, still looking at the smouldering banner. "This hasn't been the only joke pulled on the Slytherin house, you know. I believe I remember a night in which young Severus Snape was hung up by his undershorts and used for Beater practise."

"You remember the Hallowe'en ball?" Sirius blurted out suddenly.

Dumbledore's eyes twinkled. "Of course, my dear boy. I'm not as old as to lose my memory yet. But, still, there was one night in which I forgot where my study was and ended up in a room full of disgruntled weasels. Quite a surprise for me."

Sirius wasn't even listening to the Head Master's tale of weasels. He was too caught up in the fact that someone, other then James, Phiona, Peter, and himself, had any recollection of the night of the Hallowe'en ball.

"Hmmm . . . platypus got your tongue, Sirius?" Dumbledore asked, "Or would that be platypi? Or platypuses? I never quite-"

"Professor? Do you remember . . ." Sirius paused, swallowing the lump forming in this throat, and continued. "Do you remember the _entire_ Hallowe'en ball?"

Dumbledore raised both of his eyebrows, forming a light expression on his face. "Ah, yes . . .well . . . I can recall having a conversation with you on something of the sort. Then, I believe, I sampled some of that delightful punch you spiked for us. Soon after, I had several shoes heaved at my head. Then Miss Abree Willams bit me, pretending she was some sort of seabird with rabies, if I remember correctly . . ." The Head Master trailed off, his clear, blue eyes examining Sirius for a while. "And then I saw several wild animals exit the Great Hall, but that could have just been the punch, couldn't it?"

Sirius nodded slowly, knowing perfectly well that Dumbledore knew it was not just the punch.

"Well then, off you go. Before Professor McGonagall has my liver for keeping you up." The Head Master gave Sirius a wink and then walked off towards the owlery, leaving the Marauder to bolt out off the Great Hall to Transfiguration.

An acute panic spree rushed through the Marauder's mind. As he rushed through the halls, Sirius took the time to notice something odd and out of place. At each and every door lay a single pineapple, as if they were suppose to be there all along.

"Oh . . . Damn it, Sirius. Keep down!"

Someone grabbed Sirius by the robes and pulled him down into a corner. Before he had a chance to look at his captor, Sirius was dragged behind a table at the end of the hall.

"_Phiona_?!" The Marauder finally caught sight of his abductor. "What the hell-"

"Shhh! Would you keep it _down_?" Phiona whispered harshly, pressing a finger to her companion's lips. "Just sit back and enjoy the show . . ." She smiled slyly, her hair frizzier then ever, her eyes glittering excitably.

"What's going on, Phinny?" Sirius asked, somewhat exasperated.

"You see those pineapples out there?" Phiona nodded towards on of the classroom doors.

Sirius rolled his eyes, leaning his head against the table in complete exhaustion. "No, I didn't happen to notice those tropical fruits laying suspiciously in front of the doors."

Phiona blinked as if she was just smacked across the face. "Sirius? Is that a hint of sarcasm in your voice?" she asked.

"No." Sirius replied shortly, starting to get up from the floor. "Now, if you don't mind, I have to get to class."

Phiona grabbed the Marauder by the arm and roughly pulled him down again. "You never used to be worried about being late to class." She raised an eyebrow, eyeing Sirius with her unbelievably dark eyes.

"I've never been forced behind a table against my will, either."

"I'm surprised. I thought you of all people would have been down here with one of your female lackeys. Don't the girls love it when you take them behind a table, into a dark corner?"

"Toss off, Phiona."

"Jeez, aren't we a little snippy today . . ." Phiona recoiled. "What's the matter, honey? James put extra strength itching powder in your pants again?"

Sirius shook his head irritably "Phiona, I've got Transfiguration. I've got to-"

Phiona cut off Sirius' comment by clamping a hand over his mouth. "Look," she whispered angrily. "I don't know who you are, or what you did to Sirius Black, but rule number one with Phiona Love is: Don't. Piss. Me. Off."

"Oh, God Phin . . . I'm sorry." Sirius brushed his friend's hand away from his mouth. "I'm a little preoccupied with something."

"The itching powder?"

Sirius chuckled hollowly. "No, it's Dumbledore."

"James put the itching powder in Dumbledore's underpants?" Phiona smiled wildly. "I always knew that boy would go far in the world of pranking."

Sirius closed his eyes and exhaled. For once, he had grown tired of Phiona's running gags. "Dumbledore knows everything, Phin. The Hallowe'en ball, the pink pills, Remus's transformation, _everything_ . . ."

"Sirius, honey, listen to me," Phiona put a hand on the Marauder's shoulder. "If Dumbledore knew everything that went on around here, James would be kicked off the Quidditch team, Remus would be locked underneath the Whomping Willow forever, Peter would be out on the Muggle street, you would be put in St. Mungo's, and I would be thrown in Azkaban for . . ." she paused for a moment, biting her lower lip. "Well, let's not talk about me right now . . . Anyway, like I was saying, Dumbledore _can't_ know everything that went on during the ball. Hell, even _I_ don't remember everything that happened that night."

"But he knows about James, Peter, and I," Sirius said, rubbing the side of his face. "He told me he saw 'several wild animals exiting the Great Hall'. He knows Remus was at that ball and he knows that Prongs, Wormtail, and I are unregistered Animagi."

"Woah, woah, woah," Phiona shook her frizzy head. "He said he saw 'wild animals'. Did he ever mention anything to you about a werewolf, a stag, a rat, and a big black dog?"

"No, but-"

"But nothing," Phiona interrupted. "Dumbledore's not that dense, you know. If he suspected something, he would ask you up front about it, wouldn't he?"

Sirius remained silent; his friend made a good point. Dumbledore would have confronted the Marauder if he suspected something illegal was afoot. The Marauder took a great sigh of relief. The four boys respected the Head Master and, therefore, the Head Master respected them.

"Thanks, Phinny," Sirius said quietly, closing his eyes and leaning back against the table. "For everything . . ."

"My pleasure, Padfoot," Phiona softly patted Sirius on the knee then glanced around the table, down the hall. "I hope this makes up for the conversation we lost in the rose garden.

_'Ah, yes . . . that fateful conversation . . .'_ Sirius bitterly thought to himself. _'The conversation where I was finally going to take that final testosterone-filled leap, Phinny . . . but then we got cut off by the adventures of Snape, the world's greasiest piñata . . . Oh, the complete and utter irony of it all . . .'_

"Phiona," Sirius started, his voice suddenly cracking. "About that conversation we were going to ha-"

"Oy, sorry we're late. Remus took a wrong turn and we ended up walking in circles for half an hour."

"Well, if you would have just let me stop and ask for directions . . ."

Something brushed past Sirius, bumping into the table. Suddenly, James, Remus, and Peter appeared in-between Phiona and the other Marauder. James was holding his beloved invisibility cloak in his hands, glancing around the table.

"How much time, Phinny?" he asked.

Phiona quickly checked her watch. "Just a couple more minutes, but I'm really not sure when-"

"Woah, woah, woah!" Sirius exclaimed irritably, looking at his fellow Marauder in confusion. "You three know what's going on?"

"Er . . . yeah," Peter said slowly. "We helped Phiona set it up."

Sirius threw a glare at the frizzy-haired witch. "Why didn't I know about this, Phin?"

"I told you before, honey," Phiona pinched Sirius' cheek. "I wouldn't let you handle anything this dangerous or highly explosive. I really don't feel like getting blown up before I reach twenty-one, thank you very much." She paused then added, "Besides, you're here now, aren't you?"

Sirius crossed his arms, "Yeah, well . . ."

"Padfoot hates being left out of a prank," James whispered to Phiona. "Call it egotistical if you like, but we live with it."

Phiona rolled her eyes and climbed over James, Remus, and Peter to get to Sirius. "If you want to, Pads, we can blow up some toilets in the girls' loo later. Just you and I."

Sirius raised an eyebrow. "You're just trying to make me feel better."

"Yeah," Phiona smirked. "And your point is?"

"I'm not joking, Phinny."

"I'm not laughing, Padfoot."

Sirius examined Phiona for a while with interest. The witch was truly trying to make him feel better. He guessed that the Dumbledore scare had frightened him more then he thought. Just the presence of Phiona Love had calmed the Marauder down; he was very thankful for it.

"Fine," Sirius said suddenly.

Phiona raised an eyebrow, as if she had no idea of what her friend was talking about, "Fine what?"

"I'll take you up on that offer," Sirius smiled, grinning like his old, mischievous self. "Honestly, Phin, I'll do it. Just get me a jar of peanut butter, keys to the girls' toilets, a couple of minutes, and I can throw together something that would make even your head spin . . ."

Phiona smiled, even more evilly then Sirius (as imposable as that may seem). "I thought James and Remus banned you from peanut butter along time ago."

"I'm a Marauder," Sirius commented proudly. "The whole world is my playground."

"Even peanut butter?"

"Especially peanut butter."

Phiona took Sirius' hand and gave it a soft squeeze, her dark eyes sparkling wildly. Sirius' smile widened, wishing that his other friends would just disappear, leaving him and Phiona alone for a while. However, the Marauder and the frizzy-haired witch were both startled from their 'moment' by the sound of the class bell.

"Oh, this is it!" Phiona exclaimed, peeking over the side of the table. "Okay, boys, sit back and watch all that is Phiona T. Love."

"T? What does the 'T' stand for?"

"Shhh! They're coming out."

Hundreds of Slytherins, Hufflepuffs, Ravenclaws, and Gryffindors had started to flow out of the classrooms, but stopped short as soon as they caught sight of the pineapples. Many years' experience at Hogwarts advised them to not touch anything that didn't belong, especially tropical fruit. Of course, there's always one idiot in the crowd that ignores this advice. This time, said idiot was a greasy Slytherin named Severus Snape.

James could hardly contain his giddiness. "Oh, Sweet Jehovah," he mumbled quietly as Snape picked up a pineapple. "This is going to be so beautiful . . ."

"Five," counted down Phiona, who was staring at her watch. "Four . . . Three . . . Two . . . One . . ."

Suddenly, all at once, the pineapples burst in a loud and spectacular explosion. Tropical bits filled the air while the hall filled with a thick, yellow smog.

"Don't breath in," Remus advised Sirius quietly. "Wait for the smoke to clear."

Sirius plugged his nose as he heard several people screech through the fog. Soon, yells, screams, and curses filled the hall. Someone's wand went off, clearing all the smoke made by the explosion, finally revealing the finished product . . .

"Pineapples," Sirius mumbled, his nose still plugged. "They all have . . . _pineapples_ . . ."

It seemed that the screams had been well thought out; each and every Hogwartain in the hall had bulbous pineapples sprouting out from their bodies. Snape, who looked as though he had gotten the worst of it, had several of the tropical fruits growing out of his face, making it look horribly deformed.

"Everyone to the hospital wing!" wailed Professor Rosenkranz, who had a pineapple sprouting out of his lower lip and one growing above his right eye. "We'll get this all sorted out there!"

There was a mad dash out of the hall. Several people got bowled over, several pineapple faces were squished, everyone was screaming madly.

When the hall had finally cleared out, the four Marauders and Phiona Love stepped out from behind the table, all pineapple-free and laughing hysterically.

"This was . . . pure . . . and utter . . . genius!" Sirius choked out between fits of chuckles.

"Definitely one for the record books," agreed Peter, wiping a tear from his eye.

"We'll show all those novice pranksters," James exclaimed gleefully, putting an arm around Phiona. "This is the era of the Marauders and the great and powerful Phinny Love."

"Disorder, panic, and utter chaos." Phiona smiled, her eyes simply brimming with happiness. "Yes, I do believe my work here is finished."

"Makes you proud to be a prankster, doesn't it?" Remus grinned triumphantly. "The perfect practical joke and, more importantly, the perfect clean get-away . . ."

"It's not so perfect, Mister Lupin."

The Marauders and Phiona slowly turned around to face the new Transfiguration teacher, Professor McGonagall. She looked extremely angry and threatening, even though she had a particularly large pineapple growing out of the end of her nose.

"Ten points each from Gryffindor! Now, all of you, detention!" McGonagall pointed down the hall. "MARCH!"

The five Gryffindors slowly started down the hall, their shoulders slumped, their pride ripped out from under them.

"There's always a flaw in the plan, isn't there?" Remus stated bitterly.

"Of course, Moony. That's how it works," Phiona said, still smiling wildly. "We pull a prank, we get caught, we get detention and are faced with some sort of cruel and unusual punishment. It's the circle of life."

"Well, at least I broke your record your most detentions in one week," commented Sirius lightly.

Phiona winced. Everyone knew that she was quite proud of that record. She suddenly relaxed, a sly grin glazing over her face.

"Are you serious, Sirius?" she asked.

Sirius growled threateningly as Phiona stuck her tongue out at him. James shook his head with disgust.

"Even with all that has gone on," he murmured to himself as Sirius and Phiona started throwing curses at each other, "our regular routine always gets back on track . . ."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


End file.
